Vatican issues new commandments

Next time you consider drinking and driving, careening around like a maniac or admiring yourself in a shop window as you sit smugly in your convertible sports car, be warned: God has his eye on you.

For the Vatican, not previously known as a hotbed of motoring, has issued a 36-page document containing a set of ten commandments for drivers, advising them on the Christian way to behave when behind the wheel.

Entitled Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road, the Vatican's missive covers everything from refraining from road rage, obeying speed limits, respecting the rights of fellow road users, maintaining your car in good working order and refraining from gesticulating like an irked rapper at other motorists.

The Holy See says it was driven - may I be struck down for such a poor pun - to veer off its usual course of theological pronouncements by the rising international death toll and the pernicious influence cars have on human behaviour.

"Cars tend to bring out the 'primitive' side of human beings, thereby producing rather unpleasant results," the document says. Driving can bring out the worst in motorists, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code".

It appeals to the "noble tendencies" of the human spirit instead. The commandments themselves kick off with that old favourite: Thou shalt not kill. Fair enough.

But then they start getting weird. "Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events," says the third, and the fifth commandment warns that "cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin".

So no tailgating or burning people at the lights.

And definitely no cruising for members of the opposite sex and having your wicked way with them in the back seat. Wonder how the Italians will take to that?

As with many of its pronouncements on modern life, the Vatican's edict will undoubtedly be roundly ignored. People will point out that the Vatican has only about 1,000 cars, a 30km/h speed limit and hasn't seen a serious crash for years.

The Vatican's 10 driving commandments

1. You shall not kill

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbour in need, especially victims of accidents

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, or an occasion of sin

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so

7. Support the families of accident victims

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party

10. Feel responsible toward others