All carmakers want their brands to be driven by young, affluent, beautiful people. But they don't always hit the target, writes Paddy Comyn.
Sitting at press conferences at car launches, which is undoubtedly the most glamorous part of our job, some common themes emerge.
Car manufacturers roll out their glossy new vehicle, subject us to, in some cases, painful detail on the nuts and bolts: which recyclable tree from which renewable forest was responsible for the wood and which cocktail, quaffed by a bleary eyed designer was responsible for the putrid colour that was being passed off as cosmic green, but in fact looks like something a baby would pass.
And then there is the most interesting part of the conference. Who in fact is the target audience for the car? This is where a certain amount of consistency emerges. Because it would appear that in Europe at least, the only real group worth targeting are young, affluent professional families, that like to ski, might have a dog, two stunning looking children and overall, have an incredibly "active" lifestyle.
It doesn't matter if it is a small town car, an SUV, a people carrier or a sports car. This phantom target group get all the praise. The reality is often massively different. Many of you will remember the Toyota Starlet, a car that dominated the Irish small car market for many years.
I don't imagine that Toyota, when they launched the car hoped to have it driven by nuns the length and breath of the country, but that is what happened. How many of you can recall being stuck behind a Starlet on a country road at 30mph, only to find that the driver was a 4 foot 5 inch nun, accompanied by three other aged sisters on their way back from mass.
Honda had a similar problem in Britain. Their Civic had built up a reputation as being a bit of a "boy racer" car. But when they launched their last Civic, prior to the latest "space age" version it was so subdued that it became an instant hit with pensioners. Their supposedly young and trendy Jazz became equally popular with the "blue-rinsers". As car makers make roofs higher and doors wider it makes access easier to older drivers and the result is that car's like the Volkswagen Golf Plus, which were aimed at providing a little bit more space for young families, have found a much older audience dying to get their hands on it.
Another example is the Peugeot 1007. This ill-fated two-door supermini, which comes with electric sliding doors, was a car that Peugeot hoped would attract a wide audience, but the reverse has been true. Did it not occur to them that nobody was going to need a small car with electric sliding doors, except perhaps those who were unable to open or close a door themselves?
Even the prestige sports car manufacturers don't always get it right. You can be fairly certain that Porsche didn't launch their Boxster hoping to lure in men over 50 nor BMW with their Z4, but these are the people that are buying these cars.
Come on guys, it is time for a bit of honesty and some different marketing. Let's see a car aimed at young, irresponsible driver's in their 20s. Or how about one for overweight people who have trouble fitting through doors? Why not a car aimed squarely at pensioners? In the attempt to portray their cars in their best light, manufacturers are often ignoring the very people that will buy their cars. Who are they trying to kid?