The Internet can bring back memories you'd rather forget, says Kieran Fagan
For those of you who believe in progress, this could be a bad moment. There's an Irish Renault 4 website.
All the progress of the Internet, all the work of the Internet inventors, Tim Berners-Lee and Robert Cailliau, have been harnessed to bring together devotees of an ugly, unreliable, yet innovative car, which was made in France and assembled in Ireland from 1962. The last one rolled off the line in 1986 or 1988, depending on whom you believe.
True, the seats were comfortable, whether on the poverty model, that had seaside deck-chair seats, or the, ahem, luxury R4L, which had the overstuffed seats that made many later Renault models such a pleasure to travel in. When you need to stop a lot, such as when your 845 c.c. engine doesn't like long uphill climbs, comfortable seats in your R4 count. The road around Lough Dan in Co Wicklow gave my 1974 model much grief.
True, with its five doors it could be said to be the forerunner of the people carrier. Before that we had saloons and what were called station wagons, and the Pininfarina-designed Austin A40, an innovative car marred by 1950s British engineering. Ditto the cruder Hillman Husky. And it was a true four door. Unlike later, more reliable Japanese cars we would not have to crouch to get in.
And the R4's petrol consumption was frugal, worryingly so. Cue for some R4 jokes:
Why did the R4 consume less petrol as it got older? It got lighter as it rusted away.
What did the R stand for? Rustbucket.
Why did women never wear skirts when driving Renault 4s in the rain? Would you, going through puddles?
One fan whose childhood family car was a Renault 4 recalls: "To this day my mother has a reflex action to cover her face when she drives through puddles".
Richard Watchorn, the Dubliner behind www.geocities.com/richardirl/ does not defend the R4 on engineering grounds.
He says we should focus on its strengths. "Nine million people cannot be wrong. It's the first hatchback and it has outsold the Mini, the 2CV, the Morris Minor, the Fiat 500.
"When I drive my blue 87D Renault 4 around town I get universally positive reactions. People roll down their windows in traffic to compliment me on it. But when I ring the classic car garages to get some welding done they hang up almost immediately when they hear that it's a Renault 4." He insists that the sale of R4 boxer shorts is nothing to do with him.
The Renault 4, or an early version of it, made its appearance on the Irish market around late 1962. It was assembled in the Motor Distributors' plant on the Naas Road, in what later became Dublin's Motown on the western approaches to the city. The main business of the plant, which is still there today, was the assembly of VW Beetles, but a corner was given over to assembling the R4, on contract for Smith's, a rival motor importer.
The cars, with their sloppy suspension, in which you travelled as much vertically as horizontally, and the gear lever that stood out from the dashboard, attracted attention, much of it unkind.
They were not helped by being turned out in a dull gray paint, which VW importer Stephen O'Flaherty appeared to have acquired in a fire sale. He sent out most of the Naas Road assembled cars in it, much to the annoyance of VW bosses in Wolfsburg, who insisted it was not an authorised colour. It looked even worse on the R4.
"Heap of s**t" was the general verdict on the assembly line. I think that model had three forward gears. As an 18-year-old clerk in the MDL sales department, I hated it. There were two unsold Porsches in the delivery area I lusted after.
Yet the Renault 4 exercises a powerful hold on those who enjoyed its lopsided charms.
On Richard's website, the scrawl of the wild - as grafitti was once called - has gone electronic and Renault foreplay rules. There is more on related cars, on the history of the heap, links to other R4 sites. And the bulletin board which features:
The optimist:
I am a Renault 4 owner from Germany. I will visit Dublin together with a friend from October 8th for five days. Have anybody a good tip for cheap and good accommodations in Dublin?
The high-flier:
Hi, I have just acquired a Renault 4 GTL which I am overhauling, first job rear corrosion. Now lining up the wheels
after removing the rear torsion barsub frame, any handy hints? Years ago I used to have R4s as company cars so this is full circle.
The True Believer
Hello. I'm from Morocco. I like this website because I have Renault 4 and I believe that it's legendary car.
The Webmaster
During July, the old Message Board was deleted by the server. So unfortunately this will have to do. Mechanically appropriate. Just like the Renault 4 in fact.
The R4 even made an ignominious appearance on the Dáil record. From Dáil questions of that year:
"Mr McGahon asked the Minister for Justice if a patrol car will be provided for Ardee Garda station, Co Louth, as there have been a number of armed robberies there in the last year involving the post office and bank."
Mr. Noonan (Limerick East): "A Renault 4L car equipped with radio was allocated to Ardee station on 29 June 1983 to replace an Avenger patrol car which had been withdrawn from service. The Garda authorities consider the car is adequate to meet the present needs of the area."
We all slept easier in our beds in 1984, the year of the Brighton bombing and considerable terrorist activity in the Border area, (and a year after the kidnapping of Don Tidey and Shergar) knowing that the guardians of the peace were patrolling close to the Border, in probably the slowest vehicle on the market at the time, barring the Honda 50.
Perhaps Richard Watchorn's website, and others like it, bring us full circle to the pioneering days of motoring as something to be enjoyed.. Today, we have to be concerned about serious matters like safety, and cities choking on pollution. But there's still fun to be knocked out of restoring a mechanically unsophisticated jammer like the Renault 4, and taking it for a weekend spin, when you have a dull reliable modern Tokyomobile for the school run.
For the Righteous R4 fan; Richard Watchorn's website: www.geocities.com/richardirl/
For Sad Sacks who need R4 boxers: www.Renault4plus.com