Getting to the point

It didn't take long. The first few motorists are reaching the Dirty Dozen in the penalty points table. By the time you read this, as many as 15 people could be disqualified from driving.

Assuming, for simplicity's sake, they were all done for speeding and didn't appeal, scoring 12 points since the scheme was introduced 17 months ago would require being caught just over once every three months.

Now, answer me this, if you can: How monumentally brainless are these people? If they're thick enough to be busted so often and not register they're going to be banned, how do they survive on a day-to-day basis? Surely such mundane tasks as turning on taps, getting dressed and tying shoelaces pose serious problems for these people, never mind driving two-ton lumps of metal at great speed?

It's sterilisation they need, not disqualification. There are far too many stupid people in the world already without them spawning more. (That said, they are probably pretty unlucky to be apprehended so frequently, considering they live in a country with only eight speed cameras and a police presence as visible as a camouflaged ant in a coalmine.)

As I write, around 118,000 people have received points. A staggering 4,500 people have got them for either not wearing seatbelts themselves or for not ensuring passengers were wearing them. This is mind-boggling - what manner of a cretin travels without their seatbelt on in this day and age? Surely belting up should be a lesson as deeply ingrained as not sticking fingers into light sockets and never eating anything found stuck to the pavement?

Not surprisingly, most of the 118,000 were nicked speeding. Drive anywhere at the limit, be it down a motorway or past a primary school, and you can guarantee someone will be six inches from your rear-bumper, flashing lights and itching to get past you as if very existence depended on it. A recent letter writer to this very newspaper complained that, while driving on the N11 from Bray to Dublin at just under the speed limit, she was subjected to a barrage of abuse from road-hogs irked at their inability to pass her. As a responsible driver, she was being pressured into risking penalty points by the lawbreaking of others. A few days later, another correspondent suggested that, if she didn't like the attention, there was a simple solution - move over.

Despite this chap's insistence that he "sympathised" with her, his advice exposes a sad willingness among Irish drivers to accept the dangerous, criminal behaviour of a significant minority who put not merely their licences, but their lives and those of others, at risk daily.

Personally, I've made an art of driving at the speed limit in the outside lane. I'll find a car or truck that's travelling the same speed and drive parallel to it. I'm even considering installing an electronic display on my car that flashes messages. Perched in the rear window, it will read: "I'm doing the speed limit. If you want to overtake, go to Germany."

Should this fail to deter the would-be Schumachers, I have a backup plan - you know the badass dude in Ben Hur with the swords attached to his chariot wheels? Guess the rest.