‘I can thank winning competitions for some of my most wonderful experiences: I’ve hiked to Machu Picchu, relived my debs with 60 friends in a dream hotel, and sung a song with Michael Stipe’
THE PHONE RINGS . . .
“You’ve won our overall prize. Congratulations!”
“Wow, what a surprise! I never win anything.”
Well, that's not exactly true, but what else can I say in the situation? The truth, which is more along the lines of, "actually, I'm not very surprised at all, I was waiting by the phone for your call. Thanks, I'll really enjoy another trip away," seems a little blasé. But who hasn't waited for their phone to ring at Late Late Showtime on a Friday? Doesn't everyone have a what-I'd-do-with-the-lotto-money plan? Just as nobody wants to hear a list of ailments when they say "how are you?", people who win prizes are expected to act surprised and say they have never won anything. As a frequent competition winner, I find myself in a moral and social dilemma when the phone rings. Do I: (a) Tell the truth and offend – "I've felt better, my sinuses are acting up a bit, and my leg's a bit wonky today" – or (b) conform to social norms, smile, and utter the expected "grand-thanks-and-how-are-you?" response. The fact is, I'm not surprised. I'm always expecting the call. I have won quite a few things, and I hope to win many more.
At the root of my winning ways is my unashamed love for free things. I’m a sucker for two-for-one supermarket offers. Fancy mints with my bill give me a little chill of joy, and face-cream samples stuck to glossy magazine ads positively excite me. I’m just that kind of gal. A bargain hunter to my core, I love free stuff, and I have done so from an early age.
There are books that change the way we look at the world and that can lead to new paths and goals. My version of The Secret or Seven Habits of Highly Effective Peoplecame to me one less-than-sunny childhood summer. Free Stuff for Kids, a compilation of more than 350 free or nearly free things children could receive in the post simply by writing a letter, is the book that changed my life. Armed with a notepad and a stack of stamped envelopes, I made my first proper effort to get something for nothing. On the inside cover, the publishers set out their noble goal: "To make it possible for children to reach out and discover the world for themselves." And reach out I did. Over the next couple of months, each morning's post brought some new, some obscure, but best of all, some freedelight. My bedroom wall was plastered with posters depicting everything from ospreys in flight to cheese-making. Stickers and seed samples arrived, a "Learn Esperanto" course, a necklace with my name on it, instructions for tie-dying, even some everlasting paper flowers.
That summer, infatuation whetted my appetite. Free Stuff for Kidswas the gateway to bigger and better free things. Paper products and trinkets were all very well, but it eventually dawned that there was something out there even better than getting something for nothing: getting something expensive for nothing! This epiphany came after returning a faulty packet of markers to its manufacturer. I drafted a letter, carefully stated my disappointment in the product, and asked for an explanation. The result exceeded my expectations. Two weeks later, a four-page report and boxes upon boxes of every variety of colouring implements a nine-year-old could imagine arrived on my doorstep. I was ecstatic. Over the next few years, there was a flurry of large parcels, as I set about getting a healthy slice of good customer service. Nothing passed my keen eye. Wobbly shaped bars of chocolate, the incorrect number of items in a packet, anything with a part, piece or bit missing – I became a quality controller's nightmare.
“We apologise sincerely that a piece of wood found its way into your packet of fizzy cola bottles. Following a thorough investigation, we established it came from a sorting tray in our factory. The tray in question has now been replaced. We appreciate you bringing this to our attention and would be grateful if you accepted this (enormous, enough for at least three children for six months) box of jellies. Yours sincerely . . .”
It would take something special to top this abundant well of free merchandise. It needed to be better than getting something expensive for free – obtaining something that you could never otherwise get your hands on. Competitions are the ultimate free-stuff experience for grown-ups, promising rewards that would be unobtainable by any other means.
Surely there is more to winning competitions than fate, chance and a good measure of luck? In my pursuit of free things, I was very pro-active; surely the same approach could be applied to winning competitions? Absolutely!
There are many ways you can improve your chances of winning competitions and bagging prizes. The first step to winning is to change your typical never-in-a-million-years-will-anyone-ever-win-that attitude. For every competition, there is someone who will win it, and unless you enter, it can never be you. Following on from this, if you decide to enter, it’s really important to check if you won or not. We already have one unclaimed Euro-millionaire; the winning €3 ticket was bought in Graignamanagh, Co Kilkenny, last May, but there is a window of 90 days to collect the prize, and this has passed.
The next step to winning a competition is to put in an bit of effort. Winning takes research and thought. Just as athletes train and practise, the Olympians of the competition-winning world strategically enter competitions to bag prizes. Compers, as they are known, choose their goals – maybe a five-star holiday, possibly a sparkling new car. Not for them the happenstance of the local credit union draw, or the random fall of lotto numbers.
No, this is an altogether more thought-through approach. They plan. Armed with a rhyming dictionary and the internet, compers hunt answers, complete entry forms, and become poets, albeit in 10 words or less.
I’m not sure if I’m a fully fledged comper – from the online forums I’ve read, they take the whole thing a bit too seriously for my liking – but I have won enough prizes to see how fun and rewarding amateur comping can be. I can thank winning competitions for some of my most exciting and wonderful experiences: I’ve visited vineyards in Rioja and Provence, hiked the Inca trail to Machu Picchu, drank more than my fair share of beers and champagne, spent summer days horse racing, attended concerts, films and plays, relived my debs with 60 friends in a dream hotel, and sung a song with Michael Stipe while Alicia Keys accompanied us on the piano.
Sometimes winning involves a certain risk. It helps if you don’t mind looking silly in front of others and, if you can rope a few friends into the spirit of things, all the better.
In celebration of International Women’s Day (and the promise of a free bra), I once herded friends onto a bus at an ungodly hour, to travel the length and breadth of Dublin. Our early start was rewarded with a boozy lunch that afternoon, complimentary facials and haircuts, and the new lingerie.
There are two final aspects essential to winning competitions. Firstly, enter as many competitions as you can. By the law of averages, if you enter enough things you’ll eventually win something. Secondly, and much more importantly, enter the competitions you can win. It is no fun if you haven’t a hope of winning.
The best way to stack the odds in your favour is to enter something where you can use your strengths. Simply put, there are some competitions that are far more winnable than others, and there are some people more suited to winning a particular type of competition.
If you find you are a whizz with words, tie-breaker and slogan competitions are the ones for you. Have an artistic flair? Look for competitions requiring you to make or photograph something. Choose competitions where you have a competitive advantage. Often, radio competitions require you to listen over a period of time to gather information before you enter, a perfect opportunity for those in a position to listen to the radio for a good chunk of the day, or insomniacs tuning in to re-run radio programmes at night. Coming home from a late night, I turned on the radio and heard the answer to a competition the station had been running all week. The next day, I was on my way to the MTV Europe Music Awards.
It is worth noting that the more complex the entry process, the fewer people will enter, so if you make the effort, it will dramatically increase your chance of winning. The competition for the MTV awards was incredibly convoluted – there was a long list of numbers that had to be entered into a website at a specific time. I doubt many other people bothered.
You won't win everything, and you could end up with a year's supply of toothpaste rather than a week on a beach, but, for the price of a stamp, and in 10 words or less: It could be you!