What is to be done with the boys who retreat to their rooms?

Hikikomori is a Japanese word use to describe young men who drop out of school and withdraw into their rooms, fed and sheltered by their family but having little or no contact with the outside world. The phenomenon is almost completely a male one.

Do we have young men like that in Ireland? I suspect we have, given the capacity of technology to enable people to pass the time, and to network with others, on their own.

In Japan, the number of young men who shut themselves away is estimated, variously, at 250,000 and one million. The wild variation in numbers may reflect the difficulty in identifying those who hide away.

In Italy, according to the Corriere della Sera newspaper, the number could be as high as 100,000 – the highest incidence of such cases in Europe.

A recent Italian report on the subject carried the rather dark title The body In the room.

The first indication that a young man is about to withdraw comes, both in Japan and in Italy, with an announcement that he will no longer go to school. In Japan this usually happens, in these cases, at about 15 years of age.

Often, the announcement comes as a bolt from the blue to the family. The young man’s retreat is facilitated by technology which fills the space with music, games, reading, networking and so on. Parents provide the basic necessities and meals may not even be eaten with the family but taken to the room.

It’s a hugely distressing situation for the family and for the young man himself it’s a form of social imprisonment from which it is hard to see an escape.

Why does it happen? One factor seems to be unhappy experiences at school, including conflict with teachers, or perceived rejection at work – being let go after a certain period in a job for instance.

Many of these young men approach the world with a sense of embarrassment or shame – but the longer they stay shut in their rooms, the greater that embarrassment becomes and the harder it gets to come out and expose oneself to the world again.

The Italian experience seems to be that fathers, feeling themselves unqualified and unable to deal with the situation, often withdraw, leaving it to the mothers to deal with what’s going as best they can.

If the mother, worried for instance about the danger of suicide, gives up work to stay home with the son then the family isolation is increased.

Unfortunately this situation can go on for years. Counselling may help as may psychiatric treatment, though there seems to be no certainty in the world of psychiatry as to what the disorder involved might actually be.

Involvement by fathers in encouraging their sons to get involved in the world again through volunteering or sports or through getting into some form of paid work is another route that has been suggested. It has to be acknowledged, though, that if the father’s efforts are constantly rebuffed, he will face huge discouragement and way well give up.

As I mentioned above, the prolonged period of social withdrawal often begins at school, with a poor relationship with teachers or fellow students. This early point of intervention may be the most valuable of all.

It underlines the importance of good wellness and mental health services in the schools (not only for this reason of course). Not only do the cuts to school guidance services need to be reversed – the Institute of Guidance Counsellors recently complained of a 59 per cent cut in counselling hours since 2008 – but services need to be improved beyond the level they were at before the cuts.

After all, the longer the young person is shut away in that room the harder it is going to be to get out of it again: best to prevent it from happening at all.

And the same applies to the other mental health conditions that can blight the lives of young men and women and of their families.

Padraig O'Morain (pomorain@yahoo.com) is accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His latest book is Mindfulness for Worriers. His daily mindfulness reminder is free by email.

Twitter: @PadraigOMorain