What is the most difficult age to parent?

It will probably come as no surprise to parents of 15-year-olds everywhere that a recent UK study revealed 15 to be the most difficult age to parent. But for those still in the midst of sleep deprivation, seemingly never-ending childcare acquired sicknesses and terrifying tantrums, the idea that the worst is yet to come will no doubt have struck fear into already exhausted hearts.

And when you think about it, it stands to reason that 15 should be a challenging age. Hormones, physical changes, societal and peer pressures, adult-sized bodies housing a child’s mind and the first set of State exams are enough to make any mid-teenager a tad temperamental. It’s hard not to feel especially sorry for this year’s crop of 15-year-olds.

In addition to the emotional and social development impacts of the past two years, the last time third years had a full year of school they were in sixth class. And even this year has been hugely disrupted for them because of earlier Covid isolation guidelines which saw fully vaccinated 12- to 15-year-olds missing school unnecessarily due to having to repeatedly isolate as if unvaccinated – not to mention the disruption Covid itself caused.

While we can recognise some of the challenges they face, we can never fully understand as no person or generation truly faces the same experiences

But still, in our infinite wisdom, we’re going to make them sit the Junior Certificate.

‘I’m a middle-aged woman living alone. Sometimes I think: is this it?’

---

Will you wear a mask on your next holiday flight? I will, and here’s why

---

‘I feel self-conscious, nervous and more awkward than I used to around women’

---

‘I had an asthma attack so severe that it actually burst a hole in my lung’

---

Not, of course that State exams are all that mid-teenagers have to worry about. And let’s be honest, teenagers didn’t earn a reputation of being pains in the ass for no reason – but let those among us not guilty of throwing completely unreasonable strops on discovering there’s no chocolate in the press cast the first stone.

Apparently the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result – yet here we are having similar battles and nagging away, albeit over more contemporary teenage issues.

Did we listen when our parents argued for things they thought were best for us? No. And did it turn out to always be the case that the things our parents argued were best for us, were indeed best for us? Also no. Because sometimes, just like in every other aspect of life, adults get it wrong.

Being a teenager isn’t easy – that we know from having been there ourselves. But while we can recognise some of the challenges they face, we can never fully understand as no person or generation truly faces the same experiences. Teenagers are pretty fabulous too, but there are fewer groups treated more suspiciously by society than our teenagers – and if you’re a teenage boy, well suspicions are worse again. Because somehow, we’ve allowed that particular group of children to be vilified.

I marvel at how much easier it is to parent my younger – granted, now-sleeping – children. How much easier it is to soothe their worries and fears and protect them from the big, bad world outside

And they’re not oblivious to suspicion and scorn. Even recently, as a report published by the Children’s Rights Alliance called for the voting age to be lowered to 16, ridiculing and dismissive comments followed from the great unflawed on social media. The voice of teenagers is not one that some adults are prepared to hear yet.

One of my teenage sons was out recently with his friends. As they chatted and laughed, while waiting on a bus, an elderly woman approached. She seemed hesitant. The boys noted her wariness, excused themselves to her and moved completely in so that she could pass them at a greater distance. “She was clearly terrified of us,” my son explained sadly, describing how she looked back nervously as she passed. “You did the right thing,” I replied. “That’s just the way it is. I’m afraid.” But that’s not really an acceptable answer either, is it?

Raising good men for the future, something essential for our daughters and our sons, doesn’t require crushing good boys en route. Teenagers are still children and, in a sea of negativity, some adults would do well to remember that.

I’m not sure if there’s a way to get this parenting teenagers lark completely right. I marvel at how much easier it is to parent my younger – granted, now-sleeping – children. How much easier it is to soothe their worries and fears and protect them from the big, bad world outside. To be the centre of their universe and to know largely what’s going on in their heads, because they tell me, on repeat – every single fantastical aspect – particularly at bedtime when the unquenchable thirst hits.

But what I do know as my daughter approaches 21 and my eldest son is on the cusp of adulthood, is that this age, and not 15, is actually the hardest.

Because learning to butt out is far trickier than you’d imagine.