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How can we get our 14-year-old son to do his homework?

His teachers have to chase him for his work and he will often ignore them

When you check on your son’s work, always praise any small signs of progress and always empathise with his struggles. Photograph: iStock

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John Sharry
Tue May 4 2021 - 06:01

Question: Our 14-year-old son is bright and usually does well in school, but this year, in second year, he is struggling to engage with schoolwork. He managed first year fine as the work was not too difficult and he was able to rely on his knowledge.

However, this year, the workload is heavier with CBAs (curriculum-based assessment) to do as well as other schoolwork. What we have found is that he procrastinates and avoids homework tasks and will complete the assignments only if we literally sit with him while he does the work. We have tried to suggest he does some work by himself for 30 minutes, only to find he has read a book instead. 

His teachers have to chase him for his work and he will often ignore them. They are very understanding and know that this has not been an easy time for students, but there is only so much they can do. Do you have any advice on how to help him develop his own motivation and engage with his schoolwork in a more positive way?

Answer: With the pressures of Covid-19 and struggles with online classes, lots of teenagers have been set back in their formal learning. Many are finding it hard to get back into the swing of the classroom and academic demands placed upon them.

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As you think about how to help your son, take a step back to understand what might be going on for him. How does he explain his struggle to complete the homework tasks? Does he find the content challenging or is he simply bored and does not find it interesting? Or does he find it hard to concentrate or does he feel overwhelmed by all that has to be done? In your question you suggest he is caught in procrastination which usually means he is agonising over which approach to take and finds it hard to get started.

There are a couple of things you can do to help:

1) Encourage him to talk about his struggles and make sure to empathise and be understanding when he does talk.

2) Help him break down the homework task into its small component parts and then encourage him to start with the easiest and most straightforward one – this is the key to overcoming procrastination.

Young people have been through a lot in the past year and an over-focus on school work can feel like an extra burden for them

3) Make a study plan with him and, if he is struggling, start with very small goals such as five rather than 30 minutes of self-study. The key is to help him take the first step to get started. Then he can build slowly from there.

4) When you check on his work, always praise any small signs of progress and always empathise with his struggles. If he hasn’t started, rather than criticise, ask him what would help him and then agree to check in again in 10 minutes.

5) Create a study routine with him that includes short bouts of study and then plenty of breaks. Make sure rewarding activities follow hard ones.

6) Consider a special reward to help him get motivated such as points for completing tasks which can be converted into treats at the weekend. Picking a motivating treat can do a lot to get a child started on a task.

Finally, be patient about progress. Young people have been through a lot in the past year and an over-focus on school work can feel like an extra burden for them. Help him reconnect with friends and get involved with social activities he enjoys; this is as important to his wellbeing as his schoolwork.

John Sharry is founder of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology. He is author of several parenting and mental health books. See solutiontalk.ie.

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