ASK THE EXPERT: Q: Our eight-year-old son is a very busy lad with an active imagination which is great, but he finds it very difficult to slow down and relax when he really needs to, now and again.
This is now exacerbated by the fact that he has started to exhibit symptoms of asthma over the past 12 months. I am hoping to get him started on some breathing techniques but I would also like any recommendations for relaxation aides, something that he could listen to on the MP3 player for 10-15 minutes just to help him relax and slow himself down a bit. Do you have any recommendations for music/ meditation/relaxation and also anything that covers good breathing techniques for young children with asthma symptoms?
A:The most common breathing technique I suggest to children to help them deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety or to just simply slow down and relax a little is abdominal breathing.
As the name suggests, abdominal breathing focuses a child on breathing deeply, as if into their abdomen. I always try to demonstrate for children how the diaphragm moves and the effect it has on the lungs to open them out and close them, much like using your arms to open and close an old-fashioned bellows, with the resulting “inhalation” and “exhalation” of the air.
This then helps children to breathe low in their lungs, rather than trying to suck air in by raising their shoulders or upper chest. I then describe a cycle of breath that allows air to be breathed in slowly over a count of four, held for a second or two and then breathed out over a count of four. As children become skilled in abdominal breathing, they increase the spacing between each number as they count to four, such that a full cycle can take up to 30 or 40 seconds to complete.
I encourage children to do four breath cycles and then to return to normal breathing. If they do more than four they could become light-headed or even faint as they are increasing the oxygen flow in the body, including the brain.
Abdominal breathing is very effective. It slows the heart rate and breathing, and gives a real sense of calm and relaxation. It is very easy to do, very discreet and accessible for all children. Please consult your GP in relation to the impact this kind of breathing may have on your son’s asthma as I am not a medical doctor and I am not recommending this as any kind of treatment or cure. I am merely describing it as a relaxation aide.
Other relaxation techniques that I suggest for children fall into two categories, visualisation (or meditative) types of relaxation and muscular relaxation techniques.
The visualisation techniques encourage children to create visual stories or journeys in their mind that draw on as many of the senses as possible. In my latest book, Parenting is Child’s Play: The Teenage Years, I describe one such visualisation.
In the example I describe a walk through a wood for child/teenager. As they imagine this walk I prompt them to fill out the walk with sounds, smells, sights and textures.
The mental energy required to create these images means that children and teenagers get a break from other thoughts, worries and such like that might otherwise be keeping them hyper-alert or stressed.
The whole visualisation might take about 15-20 minutes and once children learn it they can replicate it at home, perhaps at night time to help them “switch off” before bed, or at other times when they want to slow down.
The final type of relaxation technique I teach children is called progressive muscular relaxation. This, as the name suggests, teaches children to progressively relax a series of muscles. This brings about a very significant physical relaxation for a child that also gives them a feeling of mental relaxation, too. Because, again, their minds are occupied with their muscles, it can give them a very healthy distraction from other intrusive thoughts or worries.
The process usually starts with the muscles of the feet, then moves to the muscles of the legs, torso, arms, neck, face and head. I teach children to contract, or tense up, and then release their muscles so that they really experience the contrast between tense muscles and muscles that are deliberately released and relaxed.
I don’t have specific recommendations for MP3 downloads or CDs to purchase, but in my experience, if you can teach children these skills yourself, they don’t need CDs or MP3s as they can access them any time from memory.
Q: We have twin boys who will be starting primary school in September. We shortly have to make the decision whether to have them in the same class or separate them into two different classes. They attend pre-school where I asked that they be separated with regard to sitting arrangements.
One of the boys will go to school on his own, but if he is sick the other boy will not go without him. While our hearts say we should keep them together, we would like to hear your views on the matter.
A:I am a big believer in following your intuition as a parent. Nobody will know your child or children as well as you do, and so many times you will intuitively know what is best to meet their needs.
Essentially, the main reasons for separating them at school centre on the potential for one twin to dominate the other in some way. It is always possible that one twin will find the academic or social aspect of school easier and the possibility that they will compare with each other or even compete emerges.
This could lead to jealousy, or one may have lowered self-esteem if they always seem to compare badly to their ever-present twin. Even if they don’t compare with each other, others might and this, too, could be very negative for either or both of them.
The reasons for keeping them together in school centre on their potential to be a support for each other. There is nothing wrong with having the emotional support of a twin in the same room as you as you go through school.
Indeed, for some twins the separation caused by splitting them between classes could be more traumatic. It is also more convenient for families who have a single point of contact with the school and can concentrate their volunteering, support, etc, on a single class rather than dividing their energies between classes. It sounds like your gut instinct favours the potential benefits over the possible negatives of keeping them together. In such a situation where there is no clearly “right” way to do it, then go with your heart.
David Coleman is a clinical psychologist, author and broadcaster. Readers’ queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets that he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement@irishtimes.com
