Ask the Expert: How do I make my toddler sleep later?

Q My 14-month-old son has always been a bit of an early waker, but since the hour went back it has got ridiculous.

The past few mornings he has been up and full of beans at 5.15am. I have always got up with him when he wakes because, no matter what I do, he does not want to go back to sleep. And he can get upset and kick up a racket if I keep bringing him back to his cot.

He goes to bed and is asleep at about 7-7.30pm and generally sleeps through the night (until 5am).

I have tried putting him to bed an hour or so later, but he can become very cranky and tired. The last time I did this he found it very hard to settle in bed later and still woke up at 5am.

Is there anything I can do to help him sleep on a bit longer in the mornings? I find it exhausting, particularly at the weekends when I really miss the chance to sleep on. Any advice is appreciated.

As you have discovered, early waking in young children can be exhausting, particularly when it is every day and through the weekends when parents are looking for more rest and recovery time themselves. In thinking how to respond, it is important first to review your son’s overall sleep pattern and what might be going on for him.

Is your son getting enough sleep?

From your question, he seems to be getting about 10.5 hours a night and, given that on average children his age need about 12 hours, this could mean he is not getting enough sleep. If this is the case, you could try putting him to bed earlier rather than later. Counter-intuitively, many children who wake early or who have problems sleeping through the night are actually overtired. By getting into a habit of an earlier bedtime routine, they sleep longer and deeper, and are well rested.

Is your son going to bed too early?

However, the amount of sleep children need is individual and it could be that he is getting enough sleep overnight. The key to knowing whether your son is getting the correct amount of sleep is by noticing how rested and full of energy he is during the day.

If he appears rested and “full of beans” as you say, then he might be getting enough. In these situations you can try to move his bedtime later, but the key is to do this gradually rather than abruptly. (As you have discovered, an abrupt change can lead to him being cranky and even more disrupted.) To gradually change his bedtime, you might move it back by five minutes each night over a period, observing carefully how he responds.

Review his daytime sleep

Frequently, the easiest way to settle a child at night is to make a change to the timing and length of his daytime naps. Long afternoon naps, in particular, can wreak havoc with night-time sleep. Review his daytime naps and try to move them earlier in the day.

Try to help him resettle when he wakes

Although it is hard to do, some parents are successful at resettling their early waking child so that he goes back to sleep or at least dozes in his cot for another hour or so.

You can do this by keeping the lights off when he wakes, redoing your night time “tuck in” (for example, saying “shhsh sleepy time”, tucking him back under the covers and giving him his teddy to cuddle).

Teach him to know when it is morning

Though he is young you can try to help him notice clues as to when it is morning and when it is night time. For example, you could put a timer on a special “bunny” light that comes on only at 6am and remind him that “it’s only morning when the bunny light is on”.

As he gets older, you will be able to help him to recognise the time. For example, with a digital clock you can cover the last two digits with a ‘6’ and tell him to come in only when the first digit matches this.

Make his early waking less disruptive to you

Frequently, it is difficult to change the early waking habit especially if you have a child who needs less sleep on average and the early morning is his favourite time of the day. In these cases it is important to make his habit less exhausting to you as his parents. Here are some ideas: 1. Leave some games/ nooks in his cot he can play with when he wakes; this might give you another 15 minutes. 2. If he calls you because he is hungry, leave out a snack he can eat beside his bed (for example, cereal) or a water bottle he can drink. 3. Consider taking him into your bed when he wakes; this is often the least disruptive thing to do. With the extra comfort of your presence he may sleep or doze for a little while longer and you get the opportunity to remain lying down – at least resting if not sleeping. 4. Consider letting him use his TV allowance in the morning. If you are tired, this might be the time to set him up with a favourite DVD which will keep him entertained while you get another 30-60 minutes of sleep. 5. Alternate early rising with your partner. It will be much easier to manage if you take turns getting up with your son. It benefits the whole family when both parents are involved like this. 6. Try to go with the flow. It helps if you can find a way of going with the flow and accepting his early waking. Some parents actually learn to enjoy the early mornings as a special time with their child. This works if you are sharing the task with a partner and getting to bed early most nights yourself so you are less exhausted.

Dr John Sharry is a family psychotherapist and co-developer of the Parents Plus Programmes. For details of courses and books, see solutiontalk.ie. For more Ask the expert columns, see irishtimes.com