Michael Kellydoes without ...... judging people.
Passing judgment on people is something we all do, all the time. In fact, it's only when you try (and fail) to give it up that you realise how much you do it. We pass judgment on every person we come across each day. It's an instant thing, and mostly we don't even notice that we are doing it. We judge their hair or clothes. We judge them to be too small, too thin, too fat. Too wealthy, or not wealthy enough. Too quiet, or too damn loud. Too ambitious. Too lazy. And while we're busy judging others, there's something that we often forget - everyone we meet is forming judgments about us, too.
It's almost impossible to give up judging people, but in the spirit of the season, I try to give up being mean-spirited in my judgments. I try to ask myself the question we should probably ask all the time - who am I to judge them?
Take this example. I am queuing at the post office, and the woman in front of me is wearing sweatpants, a tatty T-shirt, and dirty runners. I immediately think: jaysus, the state of that. I've already formed a judgment that she doesn't care about her appearance. But there could be many reasons why she chooses to present herself that way. Not caring about her appearance could be her greatest virtue.
That gets me worried about the scant evidence I use to form judgments. I get worked up about a house near us that towers over the road like Norman Bates's house in Psycho - how on earth did they get planning? Could I ever be the type of person to think: good for them, they must know someone in the planning office. I am in traffic behind a shiny 2006 Land Rover, and instead of going into an outraged environmental spasm, I try to force myself to think: they must be doing well for themselves. So what if it has a six-litre engine; that stuff about peak-oil is probably exaggerated anyway. But it's no use. I can't do it.
In a restaurant, a four-year-old is throwing a tantrum and making life miserable for every other diner while her mother and father ignore her. I try to admire their ability to zone out, but can't stop myself slipping back in to thinking dark thoughts.
Next day we are on our way to airport, late for a flight. A woman driving in front of me is doing 20 kph in a 60 kph zone. I try to think: isn't she a wonderful example of careful driving. But it's no use. I end up overtaking and giving her an accusatory beep as I pass. This is hard, in thought and deed.