Social Affairs

Fifth of young Irish men would continue if partner was ‘not enjoying’ sex

Men are being told ‘an array of harmful myths around women’s attitudes to sex’, says project lead of We-Consent campaign

In the survey, 21 per cent of respondents agreed that 'sometimes sex is not fully consensual but is not rape'. Photograph: iStock

Sorcha Pollak
Mon Mar 25 2024 - 00:01

One in five men in Ireland aged under 45 say they would “probably keep going” even if their partner was “not enjoying a sexual encounter”, according to new national research on consent.

The study into Irish people’s understanding of sexual consent, which was carried out in January, reveals nearly half of respondents said they had a better understanding of consent than they did 12 months ago.

Nearly half (48 per cent) of participants also said they had a more positive attitude towards consent when compared with a year ago, according to the third research instalment from the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre’s We-Consent campaign.

Some 84 per cent of respondents agreed they would “prefer to stop things if I suspect my partner is not enjoying a sexual encounter”, up from 76 per cent three years ago. Two-thirds (76 per cent) of those surveyed strongly agreed that “everyone has the right to change their mind at any point during a sexual encounter, no matter how far it’s gone”.

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Some 88 per cent of the 823 men and women surveyed in January agreed that “everyone has the right to change their mind at any point during a sexual encounter, no matter how far it has gone”.

However, the research reveals 20 per cent of men aged under 45 who were surveyed agreed with the statement “I’d probably keep going even if I suspect my partner is not enjoying a sexual encounter”. Overall, 12 per cent of participants agreed with this statement.

One in five people surveyed agreed that “sometimes people say ‘no’, when they want convincing”, while 21 per cent agreed that “sometimes sex is not fully consensual but is not rape”.

One-third of respondents agreed that having sex “is just part of a long-term relationship – you’re not always up for it but you’d go along with it”.

“Everyday cultural norms have an impact on how men understand sex and relationships,” We-Consent project manager Sarah Monaghan said. “Historically, men have been told that they need to be the one to initiate sex, that they are the pursuer, that they need to lead. Men are also told an array of harmful myths around women’s attitudes to sex – for instance, that women need persuading, or that women will say no when they mean yes.

“These myths are 100 per cent incorrect and are deeply harmful and it is incumbent on every man in today’s society to learn more and do better when it comes to disputing these myths with themselves, and with those around them,” she said.

Pornography also played a role in how many young men under 25 viewed sex and understood power dynamics, relationships and consent, said Ms Monaghan. They do not have the “context and life experience to fully understand that porn does not represent real sexual experience, and the behaviour exhibited is not part of a relationship”.

“The sense of overwhelming entitlement that we see being promoted by some online male influencers” must also be challenged, she said.

Since its launch last March, We-Consent had engaged with almost 1,000 people through conversation workshops with people from a range of age groups, communities and sectors, said Ms Monaghan.

Even those who came to the sessions believing they already had a strong understanding of consent realised they had “a lot more to learn and more perspectives to consider” once they were given the time to engage on these topics, said Ms Monaghan.

More discussion was needed on long-term relationships and how consent could not be assumed within marriage and relationships, she said, adding that consent was “not a once-off conversation”.

Everyone has something to learn on this topic, regardless of age, background, gender or relationships status and “the impact of not engaging and learning more can be so harmful to others, it is vital that we all make the effort to do so”, she said.

Sorcha Pollak

Sorcha Pollak

Sorcha Pollak is an Irish Times reporter and cohost of the In the News podcast

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