IF you remember The White Horses maybe you shouldn't be reading this column. It was a bought-in children's television series from Yugoslavia which was first transmitted by the BBC in the 1960s.
It was about a girl from Belgrade and her horse called Boris whom she met on the farm that was home to the famous Lippizaner horses. The White Horses was a bit crap and if it's remembered at all, it's only for the really poor dubbing it had.
It is, though, a vitally important programme in the world of TV theme tunes. It has the best theme song ever - according to the editor of the Penguin TV Companion, Jeff Evans, who has published a controversial list of the top 20 best TV theme songs. The White Horses theme - a horrible, saccharine affair - was sung by Jackie Lee and actually charted at number 10 back in 1968.
Despite the proven fact that a show's theme song is just as important as any of its catchphrases, very few of the songs actually have an existence outside of the opening credits. The two big exceptions here are the theme from S.W.A.T. by the Rhythm Heritage and the ghastly I'll Be There For You which was a hit for The Rembrandts.
The theme song is supposed to establish a mood for a show but, more importantly, given television's roots in radio, it was also an audible cue that a show was beginning. In the very early days of the theme song, the lyrics would provide some information about the cast and the general premise of the show (as in Gilligan's Island etc).
You will have probably noticed a shift in the approach to the TV theme song over the last two years. Shows are now using recognisable hit songs from the past - a stunt which would have been very much frowned upon by Jackie Lee and her ilk.
This all began with that inexplicably popular US drama series CSI which uses a well-known song by The Who at the beginning of each episode. Quite what the songs have to do with the plotline is debatable.
Meanwhile, over at Law And Order, they took their theme song and re-mixed it, producing three different versions for their off-shoot series Special Victims Unit, Criminal Intent and Trial By Jury.
Back to Jeff Evans's list and we find such programmes as The Wombles, The Golden Girls and The Theme From Cheers in the bottom half of the top 20. Into the top 10, and there's some really surprising choices. What on earth is Thom Pace's theme to The Life And Times Of Grizzly Adams doing at number nine? And why number six for The Rembrandts? But then there are people who would have put this at number one, for its ubiquity as much as anything else.
By the way if you're wondering about some startling omissions from the list, remember that instrumental theme songs were excluded - the big-hitters here would be Dr Who, Z Cars, The Sweeney and Hill Street Blues.
If you don't know The White Horses theme song then you're probably clueless as to why Don Spencer's Fireball XL5 made it to number two. At number three is the theme from Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? with the Red Dwarf theme at number four.
It's nothing short of an outrage that the best TV theme song - ever - is only at number five. The show was The Protectors and the song was the belting Avenues and Alleyways. If you go to The Olympia Theatre on Sunday, you will hear the man who sings it, Tony Christie, giving a very welcome reprise.
TOP 20 TV THEMES
1. The White Horses - White Horses, Jacky
2. Fireball XL5 - Fireball, Don Spencer
3. Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? - Whatever Happened to You, Highly Likely
4. Red Dwarf - Red Dwarf, Jenna Russell
5. The Protectors - Avenues and Alleyways, Tony Christie
6. Friends - I'll be There for You, The Rembrandts
7. Rupert the Bear - Rupert the Bear, Jackie Lee
8. Laverne and Shirley - Making Our Dreams Come True, Cyndi Grecco
9. The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams - Maybe, Thom Pace
10. New Faces - You're a Star, Carl Wayne
11. Cheers - Where Everybody Knows Your Name, Gary Portnoy
12. The Addams Family - The Addams Family, Vic Mizzy
13. Moonlighting - Moonlighting, Al Jarreau
14. Harry's Game - Harry's Game, Clannad
15. Follyfoot - The Lightning Tree, The Settlers
16. Brush Strokes - Because of You, Dexy's Midnight Runners
17. The Golden Girls - Thank You for Being a Friend, Cynthia Fee
18. The Adventures of Robin Hood - Robin Hood, Dick James
19. Dad's Army - Who do you Think you are Kidding Mr Hitler, Bud Flanagan
20. The Wombles - The Wombling Song, Mike Batt/The Wombles
