REVIEWED - DOA: DEAD OR ALIVETHIS unhappy adaptation of a popular video game from the director of the perfectly acceptable Transporter manages somehow to fail even at its own debased level. When you hear that its level is down beneath the pavement where human waste and infected vermin fight for space, you may begin to understand quite what a dismal prospect DOA presents.
Charlie's Angels without that series's subtle nuances, this gruesome - though insufficiently grisly - thriller transports three violent babes to a remote island where, invoking the spirit of Enter the Dragon, they are invited to compete in a martial arts contest.
Against the odds, DOA does provide the thinking viewer with the basis for a consideration of the unstable nature of modern celebrity. The brawler, who is played by neither Devon Aoki (sulky koala) nor Jaime Pressly (Mountain Dew spokesperson), shares a body with somebody named Holly Valance. You know the name, don't you? Famous seconds ago as the woman most likely to be seen spread-eagled beneath the Loaded logo, Miss Valance's fame now feels as unsuited to the zeitgeist as does that of Catherine the Great.
Mind you, Holly looks right at home in a project whose every component seems worn out, secondhand or factory soiled. Still, boys whose right hands constantly yearn to twitch in their laps may get on quite well with DOA.
Why that disapproving look? I mean gamers, of course.
