Love Island review: The sun may be shining and the bodies may be bronzed but this is dreary stuff

In case you’ve been wondering, yes, Love Island (Virgin Media Two, 9pm) is still running, and no, it hasn’t changed much. As has been the case since the dawn of recorded history, the ITV fake-tan fest – airing on Virgin Media in Ireland – continues to ship tattooed/swimsuit-clad contestants to Mallorca, where they flirt, fall out, and stuff their banter with words such as “the ick” and “graft”. In a world buffeted by uncertainty, it is a bronzed beacon of stability.

With little reason to change, ITV has kept tweaking to a minimum as season 11 gets under way. The villa has had minor a do-over – the colour scheme is even more blindingly bright than previously, and there’s a new “cosy” hot tub in the basement.

But if all roads lead to Mallorca, returning host Maya Jama is still trying to find her way. The series will be forever overshadowed by its tragic association with the late Caroline Flack, while for Irish viewers, the presence of Co Wicklow’s Laura Whitmore as presenter was (arguably) an additional reason to tune in.

Jama, who took over from Whitmore, last year, brings a different vibe in that she is closer in age to the contestants. However, she has yet to make franchise her own and is a peripheral presence in a dreary launch episode, in which the six female and six male contestants are teamed up after ranking each other on girlfriend /boyfriend potential.

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The sun beats down, but it’s glum stuff, and not even the late arrival of Joey Essex – of The Only Way Is Essex quasi-fame – can bring much excitement. He’s the first-ever “celebrity” Islander, and the other contestants are agog when he walks through the door, declaring himself “king of Essex”.

Alas, his arrival is less bombshell than damp squib, and the instalment feels moribund from start to finish – despite the best efforts of voiceover comedian (and husband to Laura Whitmore) Iain Stirling (“That’s what the sea looks like when it’s not full of sewage,” he says of an early panning shot of the gleaming blue Mediterranean).

Trundling along on autopilot, there are little in the way of talking points. Office administrator Patsy Field reveals that she shares a bed with her mum (owing to the accommodation crisis), while some viewers may struggle to tell the difference between Welsh surveyor Ciaran Davies (bearded with mullet) and Chesterfield hairstylist Sam Taylor (bearded with mullet).

[  Maura Higgins: ‘I really hated it. Apart from that massage, the rest of it can kiss my ass’ ]

Love Island has had an outsize impact on the careers of several of its Irish contents – both Maura Higgins and Yewande Biala go their first break on the show.

In 2024, the Irish flag will be flown by Sean Jenkins, an aspiring actor from Dublin now a resident of Malta. He will be parachuted in across the coming days as another “surprise” contestant who, like Joey Essex, is tasked with pairing off with one of the already-partnered contestants. The good news is that he won’t have to do much to stand out. This year’s crop of Islanders are an identikit bunch, and, for fans determined to watch all the way through, a gargantuan slog surely awaits.