Ireland at Eurovision 2022: Brooke Scullion’s firework performance goes up in smoke

After years of going home empty-handed, there is yet another gut-wrenching moment for Ireland at Eurovision 2022 as Brooke Scullion and her track That’s Rich are eliminated in the second semi-final.

A tongue-in-cheek banger which she wrote as a lark two Christmases ago, That’s Rich receives lots of applause in Turin – and on social media – yet fails to place among the 10 entries going forward to Saturday night’s grand decider.

That’s a shame, as Scullion, a former Voice UK contestant from Bellaghy in Derry, is just the sort of pop extrovert for which Ireland has cried out at Eurovision. Flanked by backing dancers and fireworks – and was that an Olé, Olé thrown in at the end? – she delivers a performance full of attitude that goes off like a mix of Lady Gaga and a 4am text message to a toxic ex.

Scullion’s three and a half minutes under the spotlight arrives halfway through the two-hour event at Palasport Olimpico. Eurovision being Eurovision, the night has something for everyone. Among those catching the eye is Serbia’s Konstrakta, whose In Corpore Sano starts with the did-she-really-say-that? line “What is the secret of Meghan Markle’s hair?”

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It segues into cyberpunk rock, with the artist seated throughout (and seemingly doing the dishes). Wacky and wigged out, the lyrics are apparently a critique of the Serbian healthcare system (according to Marty Whelan). Incredibly, she is voted through. Maybe next year we should send HSE Soundsystem. At this point, why not?

There a big cheers too for Estonia’s Stefan, whose Hope is a country rocker that suggests Garth Brooks possessed by the restless spirit of Mumford & Sons – yet somehow isn’t the stuff of all your nightmares rolled together.

And we get our first taste of one of the favourites, Sweden’s Cornelia Jakobs and Hold Me Closer. This is a cool-as-ice Nordic belter, somewhere between Sigrid and The Cardigans. Expect it to be in the shake-up on Saturday, after grabbing one of those precious 10 spots.

Eurovision wouldn’t be the same without Marty Whelan’s voiceover, and he’s in pithy, punchy form. “Does he knows he’s got a dead bird in his hair,” he says of the lead singer of Finland’s The Rasmus. (It’s actually a feather.) “Can you imagine bringing a bucking bronco through customs?” he adds later after the San Marino entry closes on the back of a mechanical bull.

One of the artists predicted to soar high is the UK’s Sam Ryder with his song Space Man. He has a bye to Saturday by dint of the UK being one of the “Big Five” European broadcasters that bankroll Eurovision. Even with that leg-up, a clip of his routine reveals it to be a fizzy, funny number that sounds like something you might discover on TikTok (as it would, given that’s where Ryder first made his name).

He will no doubt create a splash in the final, alongside the favourites, Ukraine, who qualified on Tuesday. But for Ireland the adventure is over. Despite all the hope and hype, That’s Rich has ultimately failed to end our Eurovision exile. What’s another year in the euro wilderness? We’re about to find out.