Claire Byrne’s gloom doesn’t stand a chance against Marty Morrissey’s full Irish shtick

In a week when Irishness is centre stage, anyone seeking a fix of stirring patriotism should probably steer clear of Today with Claire Byrne (RTÉ Radio 1, weekdays). It's not that Byrne is intentionally seeking to rain on anyone's virtual parade, but the mood on her show in the run-up to St Patrick's Day is hardly celebratory.

On Tuesday, Minister of State Patrick O’Donovan does his best to tamp down what little anticipation for the national holiday is left amid lockdown restrictions. After the Minister runs through the usual hollow utterances about the finishing line being in sight, Byrne asks what people are allowed to do to mark the holiday. “The same as you’re allowed to do today, unfortunately: not a lot,” O’Donovan answers glumly.

In normal times a politician might be applauded for such candour, but not these days, when Ministers routinely employ brutal honesty as cover for shortcomings in handling the pandemic. But while O’Donovan adopts the regretfully moralistic air of a teacher chastising an errant class – “The clowning around has done an awful lot of damage,” he says – it’s hard to argue with his contention that alcohol consumption has fuelled the spread of the virus. The Minister doesn’t hide his annoyance that his proposals to limit off-licence sales were “thrown out the window” last year.

It's hard to bask in the warm glow of national pride after the dispiriting discussion about alcohol on Today with Claire Byrne, particularly given the regularity with which the issue arises

O’Donovan’s hope that people celebrate with water rather than beer may be wishful thinking. But his dim view of Ireland’s relationship with alcohol is surely reinforced by Byrne’s subsequent discussion about failed attempts to introduce minimum unit pricing on both sides of the Border.

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Patricia Callan of Drinks Ireland argues robustly against the Republic adopting the measure unilaterally, saying high drink prices push consumers to shop up north. When Prof Frank Murray of the Alcohol Health Alliance provocatively dubs Callan “a shroud waver” for constantly predicting her industry’s demise, she accuses him of “recommending a measure which will drive people into their cars and spread this virus further”. The implication that selling low-cost alcohol doubles as a public-health measure is breathtaking.

Byrne, characteristically, is dubious of the notion of convoys travelling from Cork to buy alcohol in Newry. But it’s hard to bask in the warm glow of national pride after such a dispiriting discussion, particularly given the regularity with which the issue arises.

Excitement for St Patrick's Day is also in short supply on Newstalk Breakfast (weekdays). Its presenter Ciara Kelly declares her antipathy for the holiday, or more precisely the rituals that surround it, on Tuesday's show. She cringes at the "forced jollity" of the occasion, and baulks at childhood memories of eating boiled bacon and cabbage.

'I've a funny thing about people getting pissed in front of the children,' Ciara Kelly says, highlighting uncomfortable home truths about St Patrick's Day 'craic'

More pertinently, Kelly has a “visceral reaction” to the boozy socialising that accompanies the festivities. “I’ve a funny thing about people getting pissed in front of the children,” she tells her cohost, Shane Coleman, highlighting uncomfortable home truths about the “craic” on the day.

Even so, it’s a light-hearted conversation, part of the duo’s ritual exchange of opinions at the top of each hour, which for all its appearance of spontaneity is obviously rehearsed. Coleman, a big fan of the national holiday, cheekily asks if Kelly’s distaste is “a Greystones thing”. The gag is moderately amusing on first hearing, less so when repeated verbatim an hour later. So much for disliking forced jollity.

Kelly sounds pretty chipper when she hosts the show in a solo capacity on St Patrick’s morning, despite having to deal with the ever-present downer of the pandemic. Her discussion with Prof Sam McConkey about a possible surge in Covid-19 case numbers in the wake of holiday socialising is leavened by her guest’s revelation that he’s already had a slap-up fry of eggs, bacon and, ahem, courgette.

“Very posh,” intones the host, who repeatedly states her own hankering for black pudding: even for a Paddy’s Day sceptic, some rituals remain sacred. Almost despite herself, Kelly gets the day off to a bright start.

Cynicism is banished on The Marty Morrissey Show (RTÉ Radio 1, St Patrick's Day), where a relentlessly upbeat atmosphere is rigorously promoted for the day that's in it. The sports presenter employs the full Irish shtick to get his audience into a celebratory yet appropriately safe mood, even urging listeners to "shtick to the guidelines". Only a few minutes of this "sure aren't we great?" merriment is enough to share Kelly's fear of fake fun.

But Morrissey then confounds expectations with a thoughtful panel discussion about the changing nature of Irish identity. He kicks off proceedings by talking to the performer and activist Rory O’Neill, aka Panti Bliss: “Forty years ago Ireland was exclusively white and no one was gay. Isn’t that right, Rory?” the host asks knowingly.

Despite downcast portents beforehand, Marty Morrissey's relentless optimism provides an unlikely lift on the national holiday. Strange times indeed

O’Neill recalls feeling “excluded from Irishness” as a gay man in the 1980s, moving to Tokyo as “Ireland had driven me away”. But after returning in the mid-1990s to find attitudes changing and discriminatory laws disappearing, he felt that maybe he could make a home here after all. “I do feel I can be totally Irish,” O’Neill says. “We love you,” Morrissey agrees.

The broadcaster Baz Ashmawy also talks about “trying to figure out my identity”, remembering how his father’s Egyptian heritage and his own early upbringing in Cairo meant he was “never fully accepted as Irish”. For Ashmawy, the key to identity is not ethnicity but a “sense of belonging”. He talks of a “new era” in Ireland, “where people are taking ownership of mixed race and dual nationality”.

Though reflective, the conversation is never earnest, thanks largely to Morrissey’s positive persona. He even draws on his own experience of dual identity. Having lived much of his childhood in New York, he spent weekdays swearing allegiance to the Stars and Stripes at school while his weekend loyalties lay on the playing fields of Irish-American GAA clubs.

The insights of guests and host are absorbing, if hardly new or revelatory. But the fact that such views are centre stage on a feelgood holiday programme underscores how much Ireland has changed for the better. Despite downcast portents beforehand, Morrissey’s relentless optimism provides an unlikely lift on the national holiday. Strange times indeed.

Moment of the Week: Demonstrators’ dissent

In the absence of the St Patrick's Day parade, Drivetime (RTÉ Radio 1, weekdays) visits anti-lockdown protests across Dublin, with its reporter Fergal Keane talking to demonstrators about their grievances. At Herbert Park, Keane notes the mood is free of tension, as interviewees complain about the harshness of restrictions. Keane also talks to marchers outside RTÉ's Montrose base, where the most memorable quote is from a woman chanting "RTÉ is the virus!"

Keane allows the protesters to make their case. “It’s time to open up the country,” says one woman, sounding reasonable enough. But, equally, many protesters are open about their denialist beliefs on Covid. “It’s no more dangerous than the average flu,” says one. Another goes further: “I think the whole thing is a scam.”

As the Drivetime presenter Sarah McInerney ruefully concludes: “Well, there you go.”