Paul Weller and a Madness spectacular: This week’s unmissable online events

Madness and Charlie Higson's The Get Up! – A Global Livestream
Friday, May 14th, 8.30pm, €20, universe.com

Lockdown has been hard on us all, and it's been particularly tough on the Nutty Boys, aka Madness, who have been at a loose end since live music ground to a halt. After 45 years on the road, it's not easy pottering around the house for a year. After briefly exploring the idea of retraining for new careers (plasterer, gardener, lawyer, copper and even burglar all came up), the band realised they were not cut out for the life of a normal working stiff – "Let's face it, entertaining is the only thing we're any good at," says the band's singer Suggs, aka Graham McPherson.

So they hatched a plan for a caper that would bring them back into their comfort zone: the live stage. Teaming up with Fast Show star Charlie Higson, the band concocted a new show, The Get Up!, an evening of music, drama and comedy livestreamed from the world-famous London Palladium. Scripted by Higson, the show will feature many of Madness's greatest hits, some new tunes, special guests, and even Mike Barson playing the part of HRH Queen Elizabeth II. With this one-off multi-camera event, Madness hope to "usher the good times back in the only way they know how, putting on a bloomin' good show that promises to be a joyous, definitive 'arrivederci' to the lockdown era". Nice one.

Comedy KARLnival Online with Karl Spain & Friends
Friday, May 14th, 7.30pm, €10-€15, roisindubh.events

It's the last in this series of Comedy KARLnivals, which means we're all ready to get down off the lockdown rollercoaster and get out of our house of horrors and come staggering out blinking into the real world again. Karl Spain certainly wants to get back to a summer of live outdoor and hopefully indoor gigs, and for this final livestream he's lined up one of the world's funniest ventriloquists, Nina Conti, to headline, live from a London studio. Conti has scooped up several comedy awards and accolades over her career – all without moving her lips. She's joined on the night by Fred MacAulay, Jo Caulfield and Micky Bartlett, and our host Karl himself will throw in his tuppence worth of laughs. As usual, you can be a spectator for a tenner, or you can be part of the action and add your laughter (and heckles) to the proceedings with a VIP Front Row ticket for €15 (€12.50 for members).

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: Postcards from the Ledge
Saturday, May 15th, 8pm, from €20 (also on demand from May 16th-23rd), landmarkproductions.ie

The Rossmeister has decided it's time he tried out this livestreaming malarky – whatever it takes to get up close and personal with his many fans. Here's your chance to have a one-night stand with Ross – no strings attached – via this special livestreamed production of Postcards from the Ledge, brought to you by Landmark Productions and starring Rory Nolan as the dude in the Dubes. No matter where you are in the world, there's nowhere to hide as Ross is beamed directly into your livingroom (or bedroom, if you prefer) for a two-hour tour de farce live from the Mermaid Arts Centre in Bray. The show will also be available on demand from Sunday, and for an extra fiver you can stick about afterwards if you like for a post-show chinwag with RO'CK writer Paul Howard, Rory Nolan and Irish Times columnist Róisín Ingle. It's 2029, Ross is approaching the big 5-0 and Ireland's Celtic Tiger has come roaring back. Sorcha is now the taoiseach (WTF!), the triplets are stars of the Castlerock junior cup team (WT actual F!), and Honor is about to get married (pity the poor groom). And Ross's house-selling skills are as sharp as ever. But when he's asked to flog the tiny (bijou), derelict (could benefit from a modern touch) Sallynoggin (practically Glenageary) gaff he grew up in, it triggers many childhood memories.

Ellen DeGeneres announces end to her talk show

---

The Music Quiz: Who was the first US pop star to cover a Beatles song?

---

Patrick Freyne: Give the Galactic Empire a break. They’re just trying to get things done

---

Paul Weller, Jules Buckley & the BBC Symphony Orchestra Live from the Barbican
Saturday, May 15th, 8pm, £12.50, barbican.org

The Modfather hasn't exactly been resting on his considerable laurels this past year. Last July, he released the excellent On Sunset album, which shot to the top of the charts, putting him in that elite club of pop stars who have had number one albums in five different decades. Unable to go on the road to promote On Sunset, Weller continued writing and recording, and Friday 14th sees the release of his latest "lockdown" album, Fat Pop, a wildly varying collection of tunes put together from various snatches of musical ideas he's had over the past year. Now, two years after his last gig, Weller is performing a special livestreamed concert at London's Barbican on Saturday 15th, curated and arranged by conductor Jules Buckley, and featuring special guests Boy George, Celeste and James Morrison. Buckley and the BBC Symphony Orchestra will be putting a fresh, classical spin on some of Weller's best-known songs from a career that spans The Jam, the Style Council and nearly 30 years of exemplary solo work. The show was originally planned for February, but now comes the day after the release of Fat Pop, which is already getting rave reviews in the music press.

A Night In With Richard Osman And Caroline Kepnes
Monday, May 17th, 6.30pm, £10-£26, fane.co.uk

Murder is on the agenda for this special night in featuring two writers who have found their own unique angle on the traditional whodunnit. Richard Osman is already a well-known TV presenter, but he is garnering huge praise for his debut novel The Thursday Murder Club, about four friends living in a retirement village who meet up to investigate unsolved killings. But when a murder happens right on their doorstep, well, these septuagenarians get a new lease of life. Caroline Kepnes is the author of the hugely successful You series, about a bookstore manager who becomes obsessed with a young writer, and uses every trick in the book – including murder – to put himself at the centre of her world. Both writers will discuss the art of the plot twist, the craft of creating unforgettable characters, and the alchemy of bringing black humour to the page.

Dublin Dance Festival Summer 2021 Edition
May 18th-30th, dublindancefestival.ie

Last year, the organisers of Dublin Dance Festival had to do some fancy footwork to bring their programme of events online at short notice. This year they’ve had time to plan their online offering, and they’ve come up with a mouthwatering programme of events to help us dance our way through what we hope will be the last days of lockdown. Over the next two weeks, we’re promised fresh, daring and courageous dance performances from trailblazing Irish and international artists, absorbing dance documentaries, exhilarating workshops and engaging interactive events. In fact, you’ll be so drawn in, you’ll hardly notice it’s all online.

One of the highlights is Demos – Films of Separation and Togetherness (available from May 18th, 7pm, to May 29th, 11.59pm, €12), a collaboration between choreographer Liz Roche, composer David Coonan, musical collective Crash Ensemble and film-maker José Miguel Jiménez. Demos is an ancient Greek term denoting a sense of connection between bodies in a shared space, and that's exactly what these films are hoping to evoke.

Lyon Opera Ballet presents a triple bill of fine choreographers, Jan Martens, Ioannis Mandafounis and Alessandro Sciarroni, presenting two solo works and an ensemble piece, each showcasing the mastery, versatility and daring that marks Lyon Opera Ballet as one of the world's finest dance companies (May 18th to May 22nd, €12). And Ballet national de Marseille presents four distinct works by four very distinctive artists, Lucinda Childs, Tânia Carvalho, Lasseindra Ninja and Oona Doherty, showcasing wildly different styles of dance, performed with wild abandon.

Laurie Anderson and Brian Eno: Sculpting Sounds and Embracing the Unconventional
Tuesday, May 18th, 6pm, €8, Festival of Writing & Ideas Spring Series

Two towering figures in experimental music come together in this latest in the Spring Series hosted by the Borris House Festival of Writing and Ideas. Eno is easily the most influential man in modern music, not only pioneering the use of ambient sounds and samples and steering many bands and artists into strange new sonic territory, but also fundamentally changing the way we perceive music itself. Joining him in this unique discussion is New York musician and performance artist Laurie Anderson, who blazed a trail for electronic music in the early 1980s and comfortably balanced commercial success with niche projects that broke down the boundaries between music, art and social commentary. Eno's soothing ambient music from the 1970s has come into its own during lockdowns, while Anderson's Big Science is still a pertinent commentary on the breakdown of communication and civility in the US. Eno and Anderson have been lifelong friends and collaborators, and between them they've worked with Bowie, Talking Heads, U2, John Cage, William S Burroughs and Lou Reed, so they'll have plenty of ground to cover in this fascinating pair-up of two icons of the avant-garde.

Intersectional Identities: How it feels to be an older member of the LGBTQ+ community in Ireland
Thursday, May 20th, 3pm, Pay what you can, bealtaine.ie

Chaired by Rory "Panti Bliss" O'Neill, this online discussion will look at a lesser examined topic when it comes to LGBTQ+ people: the experience of older members of the community. Act Up Cork founder Will Kennedy and campaigner Ailbhe Smyth will be among the contributors to the event. O'Neill says that such a discussion is pertinent as "for the first time we have a lot of people growing older who are living out and proud lives, so we want to get the conversation started about issues that haven't had much public discussion in the past, even within the community itself". The discussion is organised as part of this year's Bealtaine Festival, an age and opportunity initiative throughout the month of May that celebrates the arts and creativity as we age.