Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson Get Loose, Get Wrecked and Get Pizza

[ fightingwords.ie ]

Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson were lighthouse keepers, roommates, best friends and second cousins once removed.

They lived on their lighthouse on a rock in the middle of the ocean. The last time they had seen a ship was 1998 but they thought it best to keep the light on. You know, just in case.

Unfortunately, the lighthouse was upside down, unlike traditional lighthouses. This was due to the architect holding the plans upside down for the entire build process. But the rock was small, and it was really more about the lifestyle now more than anything else.

Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson spent their time reading books, as the lighthouse pretty much took care of itself, and they spent their evenings reading stories of villains, knights, cowboys and wizards by the light of the lighthouse.

The Wizard’s Quest

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‘The never-ending question: Are you a boy or a girl?’

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‘I’m 16 years old, raised on the Barn of the Crumlin Road’

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As well as their reading, Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson had over the years collected six sharks, fourteen octopi and fifty-three fish of various species. They don’t know the individual names, but they were pretty sure one was a halibut.

On a day not unlike most others, they heard a rumble. Then a murmur, followed by a gurgle and then a turdle.

It was the kraken. He had never been never happy with the lighthouse, having objected to the planning permission on several occasions. But the straw that broke the kraken’s back was that Gibby Gobson had netted his favourite nephew for the aquarium.

With a swift karate chop, the lighthouse was upended into the ocean and floated down into the murky depths. Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson held their breath – and each other’s hands – and hoped for a miracle.

That miracle came in the shape of an unexploded bomb from a German U-boat. When the lighthouse landed on the bomb, it exploded and shot the lighthouse into the air.

Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson were sure they were going to land on the moon or Mars or maybe some new planet, but they ended up in Freddy Fredson’s garden. Freddy, despite his name, was no relation.

Freddy Fredson was an archaeologist. He had just returned from Italy with a recipe for pizza sauce from Leonardo da Vinci. Not that Leonardo da Vinci, but rather a well-known pizza chain from the same time.

As well as a tasty sauce, Freddy Fredson believed this would be an excellent cement to rebuild the now pretty much demolished lighthouse. Early signs were promising but as they put the light back on the top, the sauce gave way, mainly because it had no binding properties whatsoever.

Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson screamed with terror and delight as the light, now separated from the rest of the structure, rolled at great speed towards the ocean.

With a splash and a whoosh, Jimmy Johnson and Gibby Gobson landed in the ocean. With arms for paddles, they made their way back towards their rock, with a craving for pizza. One plain cheese, one pepperoni.