In a Word . . . Fiction

Time and tide wait for no man, the saying goes. Not anymore. Now, even in these Trump times, it reads: “Time and tide wait for no one.” No sexism there.

No misogyny there, Donald, ya hear!

And, no. It doesn’t refer to an Irish girl. It’s not Ms O’Gyny (whoever heard such a name?), but I’m not surprised you asked. It’d be as silly as O’Bama. Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring that up.

Misogyny is from ancient Greek. “Misos” means “hatred” and “gyne” means “woman’ in that ancient classical tongue. No. It’s not a sexual technique. It’s a language, now extinct except for textbooks and fossils like myself who were taught it in school and forget it now. Almost.

Yep, it seems you are a hater of women. So they say. I know. You’ve had three wives. Of course you love women. It’s why you’ve had just one wife short of the four allowed by Islam. To date.

You may even get there yet. Imagine that! Is it imitation? Is it, secretly in your case, the sincerest form of flattery towards your Muslim counterparts?

Won’t tell anyone. I promise.

You'd never be so foolish as old King Canute? You'd never go down to the sea with a gun in your hand and warn the incoming tide to advance no further? But of course, if you did, Sean Spicer would tell the dishonest media that the sea retreated before you as it did before Moses.

Still, it would be better to keep cameras away. The sea can be unruly even before great powers.

You’d be on safer ground with time, I suggest. For example, and between us, each date in this month of March 2017 will fall on exactly the same day it fell last month, your first full month in office.

How about an executive order this weekend to mark that, commanding that the first 28 days of March this year, next year, and in 2019, fall on the same days as February?

Make an exception for 2020, when your first term ends. Command that it be a leap year to mark that momentous moment. And, lo, it will be the case.

Then the world will witness how even time itself bows before you.

Fiction, meaning "something invented" from Old French ficcion, itself from the Latin fictio, from fingere, meaning "to shape".

inaword@irishtimes.com