Culture

In a Word . . . Eavesdrop

Disgraceful behaviour and probably immoral – I do it all the time

Patsy McGarry's face
Patsy McGarry
Sat Apr 4 2020 - 00:30

Among the most obnoxious people must be eavesdroppers. Those who unashamedly listen in on private conversations. Disgraceful behaviour and probably immoral. I do it all the time.

I’ve tried to stop but fail spectacularly, always. I listen everywhere; pubs, clubs, trains, boats and planes. Anywhere two or three are gathered, my ears are in their midst. Even in these two-metres-apart pandemic times.

Shocking? Awful? Of course! But I love it.

My favourite cafe is an earwigger’s paradise. I’ve overheard some of my best conversations there. A favourite involved two middle-aged women at a nearby table.

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One recounted her visit to a friend in hospital. Taken ill suddenly, the friend was brought there by her husband, who continued on to his work. Her illness cleared up and she was moved to another ward for observation.

Nobody told her husband. After work he visited the hospital. Lights were low and the bed where he had left his wife was now occupied by another woman with tubes and wires coming out of her at every angle.

The husband was distraught. He sobbed his regret at all he had not done for his wife, his love for her, and promised that if she got well he would make it all up to her. The patient slept on.

The woman recounting the story then came on this scene. She had come in to see her friend in the correct ward when, en route, she saw the husband in the semi-darkness. She went to tell him his wife was upstairs but, overhearing what was going on, quickly retreated to stifle her laughter and avoid the embarrassment.

Upstairs the “real” wife was marching around giving out reams about her husband. “Typical,” she exploded , “I could be dead for all he cares.”

By this stage both women in the cafe were shrieking with laughter. The eavesdropper was not much better, hiding behind his quivering newspaper.

The woman who told the story said nothing to her friend at the time about seeing her husband in dejection downstairs. Later, when all was well, she did and now regularly pokes at the husband with “Any regrets today?”

His response is consistently impolite.

Eavesdrop, from Middle English eavesdrop, (where rainwater drips off the roof) for "one who stands at walls or windows to overhear what's going on inside".

inaword@irishtimes.com