In a word . . . Dart

You know how everyone complains about time rushing by. “Easter already? Sure we’ll never feel till Christmas.” That sort of thing.

It is true that as one gets older, time and everyone seems to be rushing by. However, I’ve discovered not alone how to make time stand still, but also how to make it go backwards. Anyone can do it. Just visit a Dart station.

People who live outside Dublin may be at a disadvantage here, but they too can partake anytime they visit our fair capital.

There is a different concept of time in Dartworld. As you await the next train at any of its myriad stations – and Dartworld people measure their lives by waiting at stations – the sign may tell you “next train due in 5 minutes”. Ten, 12, 15 minutes later, according to your watch, the same train is due “in 4 minutes’’.

Quite extraordinary, of course, are those trains "due in 27 minutes'' and are still "due in 11 minutes" after you have had a coffee, a croissant, a bap, a ciabatta bread roll, a coke (diet), a salad, soup, a run around the block and a read of The Irish Times, The Irish Independent, the Herald and that latest book on crash dieting.

Then there are those regular Big Brother (Orwell-style) announcements. All begin: "We are sorry to announce that the (insert a time here) train to Howth/Bray/Greystones/Malahide is delayed (insert a number here) minutes. This is due to (a) operational difficulties/(b) the late arrival of an incoming train/(c) a signal failure." Tick as appropriate.

Though I will forgive a lot for that announcement last winter, which said the delay was “due to cygnets failure”, as a swan and her brood crossed the track at Lansdowne Road.

Dart, the Dublin Area Rapid Transit, operating since July 1984.

inaword@irishtimes.com