They met in the US 16 years ago. Both were students on working holidays. Both were in third year, he studying engineering, she studying to be a teacher. They were the same age and from the same city. It seemed a match made in heaven.
But Seán Gallagher was a Catholic from the northside of Dublin, Helen Fox a Protestant from the southside. Gallagher was a little alarmed when, just months into the relationship, Fox said she was concerned about possible difficulties with Church and children if they married. Gallagher's worries arose not so much from denominational anxiety as from more traditional concerns. It was, after all, still early in their relationship; he hadn't thought of marriage. But it was clear that, were the relationship to continue and this mixed marriage take place, compromises would be made. They were. She moved to the northside and their two children are being reared in the Church of Ireland.
There were some denominational problems. Fox wanted to remain in her Church. She has a strong Church of Ireland background, and young people like her were encouraged to stay within their community. If she married outside it, she says, her family would have felt it had lost a daughter, both culturally and religiously. Hers was also a small community, both at parish and school level, and she and her family were active in both.
Gallagher's family are very committed Catholics. But they fell in love with Fox as quickly as he did. She was "very strongly accepted" by his parents, and he quickly realised that if anything went wrong in the relationship he would be "in very big trouble".
He knew little about the Church of Ireland. One of its churches was near his parents' home; he had heard them speak only positively about it and its congregation. Then they probably knew as little about the Church of Ireland as he did, he says, but they had "no negative image" of it.
When it came to getting married, 12 years ago, it did not go down well with Gallagher's parish priest, who wanted them to promise to bring up the children as Catholics. Both remember being asked to sign a document to that effect. They said they could not. So he asked them to promise verbally to do so. They said they still couldn't. The third, acceptable option was for Gallagher to agree for the priest to make him aware of his obligation to bring the children up as Catholics.
The couple wanted the ceremony to involve both denominations, if only to signal to their families that they were not changing Churches. Priests from the Church of Ireland and the Catholic Church took part in the marriage ceremony, at Fox's parish church.
Carol, their eldest child, is now five; Michael, their son, is 18 months old. They live near both Catholic and Church of Ireland primary schools but decided to send Carol to the Church of Ireland school, as it is co-educational. That way she and Michael will be able to attend the same school. The Catholic primary school is single sex. Fox is active in her local church, and Gallagher attends parish services with her and the children. He likes their Church of Ireland parish, mainly because the community is so supportive and the local clergyman so welcoming. Gallagher has "a lot of time for him". That is why he attends Church of Ireland services more than Catholic Mass. It is about the family being together.
Both are aware of "a good few couples" like themselves. And what they say bears out anecdotal evidence. The men generally come from Catholic backgrounds, the women from the Church of Ireland or another reformed denomination. The women tend to be more involved in parish activities, and to bring up the children in their Church.
Names have been changed
