JUST one year ago, the people of this country had yet another rude awakening, another consciousness raising experience. This time though it wasn't about sexual abuse by male clergy or Chinese orphanages. They collectively saw and heard "stories" about Goldenbridge, a Dublin orphanage, run by the Sisters of Mercy. Louis Lentin's drama documentary Dear Daughter outlined a harrowing account of life for such children during the 1950s and 1960s. Sister Helena O'Donoghue for the Sisters of Mercy acknowledged on the same programme that life in this orphanage could be described as a "harsh regime".. The Sisters of Mercy set up a helpline.

The mass media had a field day. Ascertaining the "particular nun" who managed the orphanage at the time was the major quest. The "expose", of Sister Xveria was the outcome. This was interspersed with personal stories and the truth or otherwise of individual accounts of events in Goldenbridge, and elsewhere throughout the country.

A Garda inquiry was initiated Dear Daughter was screened. The eventual outcome was that the DPP decided not to prosecute anybody, considering that the change in attitudes to corporal punishment could not justify retrospective prosecutions. It could be argued that such an outcome should have been foreseen and the orphans saved the distress and pain of giving statements to the Garda about abuses, and the taxpayer saved the expense of the inquiry.

Another aspect of the whole episode was the Prime Time follow up to Dear Daughter, described in some quarters as a "coup" and which featured Sister Xaveria and those who knew her in her professional capacity, as well as ex-orphans who disagreed on the details of the events.

The public through this process were led on a journey, which began with the question: "Who was telling the truth?" and concluded with making the decision about: "Who they would believe". The letters pages of some of the daily newspapers acted as a forum for positions taken. There it seemed the matter could rest for some, while others took a deeper interest.

On the personal level, however, an ulcer type wound which was never given an opportunity to heal was re opened. Individuals directly affected by or associated with Goldenbridge and other orphanages viewed and listened to this scenario, sometimes in great pain and horror. For those who had been raised in orphanages, the Goldenbridge expose affected them, deeply. Their early life experiences, which to quote Harry Ferguson "were contained in a veil of terror and secrecy", had been extremely personal to them. The process of re visiting this era of their lives evoked strong feelings and emotions, and was extremely anxiety provoking and distressing. This was particularly so in the case of those who were not involved in the making of the documentary and who, along with the public, were going to see and hear their early life discussed in the media for the first time.

Those of us involved in the making of Dear Daughter had a somewhat different experience and worked with different pressures. We had the advantage, how, of preparing ourselves psychologically.

For those reliving aspects of their often traumatic childhood without preparation, there were considerable additional pressures. Many had never discussed their experiences with their spouses, their children or other close family members, friends or workmates. The media coverage gave them perhaps their first opportunity to re-evaluate that decision, and many took advantage of this initial part of the healing process.

Another significant, issue for them to address in their private lives, behind the media hype (which acted as a catalyst for this), was the question of their parentage. Many exorphans became curious about it and the reasons why they were placed in orphanages. To date, many are still pursuing their renewed interest with varying degrees of success and failure. Some searched for and found a parent, most often their mother. A significant number endured the pain of, once again, being hurt and/or rejected, sometimes discovering that parents had created new families soon after they were put in orphanages. Many orphanages did not keep records and therefore considerable pain and re wounding occurred when they discovered that, as one person put it: "I didn't matter enough to have personal records kept on me". Others found parents who, for all sorts of reasons, and none simply, didn't want to follow them.

Thousands of parents, on the other hand, who chose to or had" to part with their children and put them "in care" in orphanages, were also given the opportunity to reflect on their decisions. Much pain and distress ensued, though many took the opportunity to begin their healing process by attempting to find their long lost children or to re build relationships. However, a significant number of parents chose to ignore the situation in the hope that it would again go away.

Members of the general public who had opened their homes to children - from orphanages, at weekends and holiday times, were also pained to discover that they didn't know what these visiting children had suffered. A considerable amount of distress and feelings of guilt followed. Many of them succeeded in building old relationships. Others a till trying to trace their orphan visitors without success.

So it is evident that a considerable amount of psychological upheaval and consciousness raising was occurring in the private lives of thousands of individuals in this country. The impact on the nation was nothing short of staggering, in that it affected so many of us personally.

One year later this poses the question where does this leave us, and where do we all go from here?

SOME exorphans continue to use the helpline and accept counselling set up by the Sisters of Mercy. Many still cannot bring themselves to do this, continuing to feel unable to trust that it is not being staffed by nuns, despite continuing re assurances to the contrary. Counselling is not an option that others want to consider, whether or not it is staffed by nuns. Many think that practical help in the form of "support groups" and "Happy Days"

for specific orphanages would be more beneficial to them. Other forms of healing and restitution which they consider appropriate include help with housing matters, further education, financial and personal development.

The Department of Health stated last year that it would take a positive, helpful and co ordinating role in response to the needs of those affected. Perhaps, one year on, the Department of Health, together with politicians, relevant State departments, religious orders and government agencies, have now accurately evaluated the needs of those affected by such abuses and will finance the costs of enabling the healing process to begin, for all, in earnest.