RIPD

So, it seems as if there are these supernatural cops who spend their days solving problems involving the recently deceased. Maybe they’d like to locate Ryan Reynolds’s career. Ha ha! You see what I did there? Well, you have to distract yourself somehow while enduring the year’s latest cinematic catastrophe.

Who thought this was a good idea and why are they still allowed out alone at night? What we have is a pale retread of Men in Black starring an uninterested Mr Reynolds and a heightened vision of Jeff Bridges as he might appear if observed after the ingestion of magic mushrooms. The younger man dies and, coming to in an icy bureaucracy, is attached to Bridges's cranky western lawman.

Disguised as an older Asian man (Ryan) and an attractive blonde lady (Jeff) they travel the streets of Boston in search of some magic staff that will either make something happen or stop something from happening.

The special effects are dull. The 3D is more annoying than usual. And, with one exception, the performances have been dictated, transcribed, mailed to a fourth party and only then phoned in (over a bad line).

Hats off, then, to our Jeff. Grabbing the opportunity to burn spectacularly, he delivers a turn so huge it makes Donald Sinden seem like a master of mumblecore. Now, go and make a proper film, old fellow.