“Vertiginous, alcohol-soaked evenings in the backyard of our house, the black-and-white flicker of my father’s makeshift theater, the verdant splendor of my mother’s garden, the flowing laughter of their guests.”
This is the hazy Californian backdrop of Andrew Porter’s The Imagined Life, which tells the story of a man stuck between the frames of his own life, past and present, determined to carry out an investigation into finding the father who disappeared from his life when he was 12.
Porter’s writing is infused with nostalgia – a yearning for childhood, and for lost innocence. This nostalgia is artfully crafted by setting; The Imagined Life takes place across a surreal landscape, resplendent with cloudless skies and palm trees, soundtracked by Fleetwood Mac and Frank Sinatra.
Our narrator, Steven, has a dreamlike childhood; he gazes out of his bedroom window to watch his young, beautiful parents throw pool parties for their closest friends, before settling down to watch black and white movies. But one party sticks in Steven’s mind – the gathering where he witnesses the moment that changes his father forever.
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Steven and his father’s relationship is complicated; it’s mired in idolatry, derailed by an act of betrayal that’s almost unforgivable. Through Steven’s narration, we learn of his anger towards his father – yet also his grief for him, for his failures, and for the possibility that he might be hurtling towards a similar fate.
The question of whether we’re doomed to repeat our parents’ mistakes is raised several times; as a child, Steven has a blurred, desirous relationship with his best friend Chau, and it’s only long after the two have parted ways that Steven is able to admit his true feelings. His desperation to hide his desires has the potential to lead to a downfall like his father’s, and his eventual escape from this is entirely down to an acceptance of them both, flaws and all.
The Imagined Life is many things: a deft exploration of male relationships, a mediation on how much we inherit from those who raise us, a study of shame set across the Aids epidemic, but above all, it’s a poignant, achingly beautiful story of human love, and the lengths we’ll go to for those we care for.
