World Cup: Ireland tips provokes rage against the machine

When it came to choosing who to task with predicting the results of all 64 Women’s World Cup games, the Sydney Morning Herald decided to “do away with pesky human pundits” and handed the challenge to their “resident Artificial Intelligence football expert”, Robotinho.

Naturally enough, we zoomed in on Robotinho’s Irish-related predictions. Ready?

“Australia v Ireland: Australia are a strong team with a lot of talented players, and they have been performing well in recent years. The Republic of Ireland, on the other hand, have been struggling and may have a difficult time keeping up with Australia’s pace. Prediction: Australia win 2-0

Canada v Ireland: Based on their performances in recent years, Canada have the stronger team here and should have no trouble defeating the Republic of Ireland. Prediction: Canada win 3-0

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Ireland v Nigeria: This game could go either way, but based on recent performances and individual player strength, I give the edge to Nigeria. Prediction: Nigeria win 1-0.”

We don’t want to be too rude about Robotinho here, but doesn’t artificial intelligence usually indicate, well, the presence of intelligence?

Australia’s team of divers

It was a very nice idea. After Australia’s final warm-up game against France in Melbourne last week, 500 drones were to light up the sky with messages of support for the team. But – and it’s a HUGE one – it didn’t quite go according to plan.

A technical glitch caused 350 of the 500 drones to lower themselves into ... the Yarra river. “They did what they were supposed to do when they got into a malfunction, which is to auto-land,” explained Vic Lorusso from the company who own the machines. “Unfortunately, when you’re over water, an auto-land is in the water.” Indeed.

Last we heard, a team of divers was trying to retrieve the pricey enough gadgets from the Yarra. All you can say, really, is: strewth.

Brazil’s work-World Cup balance

Down in Brazil, civil servants will be allowed report to work up to four hours late so that they can watch their team in action at the World Cup.

“On days when the games are held at 7:30am, the working hours will start at 11am Brasília time,” said minister of management and innovation in public services, Esther Dweck. “On days when the games are held at 8:00am, the working hours will start at 12:00pm Brasília time.”

We’re hard done-by in this corner of the planet.

Nigeria’s direct communicator

In the build-up to this World Cup, there’s been no shortage of squabbles between squads/managers and their respective federations over a number of issues, largely financial. What you need, of course, at a time like that are cool heads. Isn’t that right Ademola Olajire?

How did he, the communications director for the Nigerian federation, respond when manager Randy Waldrum complained about him and his players not being paid for months, and accused the governing body of not giving the squad the quality of build-up it needed for the tournament?

“He claims he’s kept at the job because of the players. B*ll**ks. His entire objective has always been to add leading a team at the World Cup to his CV. He is the worst coach to have handled the Super Falcons of Nigeria, by a country mile.” Was he done? Apart from calling Waldrum “Mr Blabbermouth”, yes.

Quote

“We’ll wear black armbands.” – Ruesha Littlejohn on being asked what Ireland would do if Denise O’Sullivan was unfit for the game against Australia. Mercifully, she’s recovered from her injury, so there’ll be no need to mourn.

Number: 182

Louise Quinn’s height in centimetres, as per Fifa’s stats, making her the tallest player in Ireland’s group. Aerial-bombardment-alert.