TV View: Ireland just hoofing and poofing against Haaland-less Norway

You’d like to think Sky Sports News weren’t trying to rub it in, but at the very best they were insensitive to switch directly from Kaveh Solhekol in Al-Wakrah to Guy Havord in the Aviva.

Kaveh was taking all things World Cup, the greatest show on earth and all that, Guy was talking an end-of-year friendly between two nations who didn’t make it to the Qatar party, so decided to play each other instead just to pass the time.

Also, while Kaveh was talking, it being eight at night in his neck of the woods, you couldn’t but notice “29 DEGREES” stamped in the top left corner of the screen, this while Matt Doherty was taking to the pitch in his gloves back in Dublin for a severely needed warm-up.

Peter Collins, Kevin Doyle and Didi Hamann were, at least, in the heat of their Aviva studio ahead of what Guy had told us was “the final home game of 2024 for Ireland”. As if the sporting calendar hasn’t been addling enough of late.

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[ Ireland show little fire as Ohi Omoijuanfo’s late goal secures victory for Norway ]

He might, of course, had Euro 2024 on his mind, the next major party this Irish team will hope to gain entry to, although Kev and Didi weren’t overflowing with hope when Peter asked them to assess the team’s progress under Stephen Kenny.

Kevin: “I think he’s done o ... ... kay.” Didi: “The games he’s won have been dead roobers.”

The praise didn’t flow, then, but both were willing Ireland to finish the year at home, with Malta away to come on Sunday, on a high note, confident-ish that they could do so since Norway would be Haaland-less.

(Incidentally, if the Irish defenders who insisted this week, with straight faces, that they were disappointed Erling wouldn’t be coming to Dublin don’t receive Oscar nominations, it’ll be a travesty).

With Des Curran and Kenny Cunningham for company, off we went.

[ Stephen Kenny: ‘We absolutely shot ourselves in the foot with the goal we conceded’ ]

And to be honest, 20 minutes in you’d have been half tempted to watch that Cristiano Ronaldo interview all over again, just for some light entertainment. Especially the “I’m a fruit that people want to bite ... let’s say a strawberry” bit.

The only highlight in the first half, really, was the exchange between Des and Kenny about Ireland’s Euro 2024 qualifying group.

Des: “What a fixture to start with, France at home – and it will come just three days after France play the Netherlands.”

[ Ireland 1 Norway 2: How the Irish players rated ]

Kenny: “Hopefully France will have a night out in Amsterdam after, we need any help we can get!”

Des: “That game is in Paris, so if they do have a night out in Amsterdam, Deschamps will be worried.”

Kenny: “Oh.”

Then Norway scored and you feared Didi would be scathing come the break.

Come the break, Didi was scathing.

“I’ve seen some bad stuff over the years, but this is as bad as I’ve ever seen from this Ireland team ... it was just not acceptable. Backwards passing, keeping possession for the sake of it – for me, this is not football.”

At least Kev was more positive. The second half? “It can’t be any worse.”

It wasn’t, mercifully, almost like the lads had been told at the break that forward passes aren’t actually illegal, and their reward was great: Alan Browne equalising from outside the box with they call in the trade a ‘daisy cutter’.

Kenny sounded a little like your Grandda when his nap is violently interrupted by cacophonous shrieking, in this case the roar of a crowd woken from its slumber.

Mind you, his attention didn’t hold, he was soon reminiscing about “Irish dancers on the tables in Johnnie Fox’s in the Dublin mountains”.

No matter, Ireland were pressing for a winner. And then Norway scored. Game over.

You feared Didi would be scathing come full-time.

Come full-time, Didi was scathing.

“This manager hasn’t won ONE competitive game in two years that he needed to win ... tonight, Ireland were hoofing and poofing ….. it’s simply not enough ..… people got carried away because they won the dead roobers.”

[ As it Happened: Ireland 1 Norway 2 ]

Kev couldn’t disagree, wondering out loud, no more than the rest of us, what the Erling lad might have done to our rearguard.

But look, after Malta, a nice long break until France, after they party in Amsterdam, in March. Enjoy the break, no international football of note taking place worldwide until then.

(Kaveh: “Hello?”).