Planet soccer

Today's other stories in brief

Quotes of the week

"If he was good looking he would probably have everything."

- Derby manager Paul Jewell spots Cristiano Ronaldo's weak point.

"I ask the Holy Spirit where they're going to kick. He said 'left' and I said 'thank you'. I went to the left side and I saved the ball, so today I was very blessed."

- Bristol City's Brazilian goalkeeper Adriano Basso after God helped save a penalty against Watford last week.

"There were many bad words spoken in our dressingroom as soon as the draw was made. This is a disaster for us, a nightmare."

- Roma's Marco Cassetti bullishly confident ahead of the Italians' Champions League quarter-final against Manchester United.

"Mr Coppell is the boss but basically he does nothing during training. He just walks about and looks at how committed every player is."

- Reading's Czech midfielder Marek Matejovsky on his manager's "hands off" approach to training.

"I walk around and don't do anything, do I? I've been a manager for 25 years yet, amazingly, people still employ me. I can only assume he was mis-quoted. I've always said there are too many foreigners in our game, but I'm as guilty as anyone for signing them."

- Coppell, tempted to bounce his Czech out of the club.

"Eric is on a different planet. He simply has no notion of money. At one point he had 30 different bank accounts and he owned 10 4x4-drive cars - 10! When he arrived at United I decided to take over the running of his accounts. It used to take me four hours a day."

- Christopher Mongay, the agent of former Manchester United midfielder Eric Djemba-Djemba who was declared bankrupt last September.

"When Darren went to open it, it came away and clobbered him. I saw blood pouring out . . . he looked pretty dazed and shocked. You don't expect a door to just fall on you."

- A Manchester United "insider" after Darren Fletcher was knocked out by a stray toiler door in the dressingrooms after the Champions League win over Lyon. Seriously.

"I'm not under any more pressure than I was before, and I'm not under any less. Any loss at Chelsea is like a World War."

- Avram Grant after Chelsea's FA Cup defeat to Barnsley.

"In the end we had to decide because I can't wait and wait and wait for one player right until the end, when you don't know what's going on."

- Rafa Benitez explaining why he left Xabi Alonso out of his Champions League squad for the game against Inter Milan - because Alonso's girlfriend wouldn't get a move on and have their baby. (Jon Alonso finally arrived on Tuesday).

"Each morning I only expect to wake up and shave. The rest I don't know because life is so fragile. Life, for me, is the moment. That's why I don't buy green bananas - who knows what will happen tomorrow? But now that I am with QPR it is amazing."

- QPR owner Flavio Briatore on his preference for yellow bananas.

All in the colour of the gear

FAR BE it for us to question how Durham University and the University of Plymouth spend their money, but we couldn't help but wonder if there are more useful things to research than what colour team strips are the most successful in football. Red, by the way, is the answer.

Citing the example of the pesky little robin the researchers, who analysed data on English football league results since the second World War, concluded that "in nature, red is often associated with male aggression and display. It is a testosterone-driven signal of male quality, and its striking effect has even been harnessed by soldiers in the past".

That, then, is why Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal have had a bit of success over the years, if Ronaldo, Torres and Fabregas wore, say, purple, they'd be down there with Derby.

Incidentally, the least successful colour is orange, which explains why the Dutch have never won the World Cup and why Wolves are struggling to win promotion. Your education is complete.

All pace but too slow

REMEMBER ALAN O'Brien, the young fella from Newcastle United who was given his senior Republic of Ireland international debut by then manager Steve Staunton?

Well, he's at Hibernian in the Scottish Premier League now and we noted with some puzzlement the observation made about the Dubliner by a BBC Radio Scotland commentator recently, as reported by a BBC Online reader: "He looks like a pacy winger without any pace."

How does that work, then?

Reviewing the stats

"IF I KNOW that the passing ability of a player is averaging 3.2 seconds to receive the ball and pass it, and suddenly he goes up to 4.5, I can say to him, 'Listen, you keep the ball too much, we need you to pass it quicker'.

"If he says 'no', I can say 'look at the last three games - 2.9 seconds, 3.1, 3.2, 4.5'. He'll say, 'People around me don't move so much!' But you have the statistics there to back you up, too."

- Arsene 'Statto' Wenger.