Planet Football

Welsh welcome : David Beckham wasn't, apparently, overly impressed with the reception from the Welsh crowd at the Millennium Stadium on Saturday to the English national anthem - let's just say they booed and whistled along to the tune in a rather deafening manner.

Fortunately, though, Beckham missed the pre-match entertainment which featured Welsh band Goldie Lookin' Chain. Much to the crowd's delight they dedicated their new single to Victoria Beckham. And the single is? "Your Missus Is A Nutter".

Quotes of the Week (1)

"The only big names who aren't available are Trezeguet and Barthez, who are suspended, and Lizarazu, who is retired. I thought they might have had a go and getting him back too - and Platini, Rocheteau and a few others." - Brian Kerr, half expecting France to recall Just Fontaine to partner Thierry Henry at Lansdowne Road.

"It is like when you are lying in bed and your feet are sticking out and getting cold. So you pull down the blanket to cover them up - but then you get a cold head." - John Toshack explaining . . . we're not sure, but we think it had something to do with his fear that England would have so many danger men on Saturday Wales wouldn't be able to cope. Or else he's using a single duvet on his double bed.

"The Irish possess the fighting spirit that we don't have in France and I find it striking, it is going to be a case of everyone going to war, pure and simple." - Thierry Henry, armed and dangerous and ready for Lansdowne Road.

"I spoke the truth which obviously wasn't taken the right way on one occasion or wasn't necessarily interpreted the right way in another." - David James thinks he's found the reason why he's no longer in the English squad.

"John Toshack hates me." - Robbie Savage thinks he's found the reason why he's no longer in the Welsh squad.

Sick as a parrot

We could only marvel at Djibril Cisse's professionalism on Saturday night when not only did he turn out for France, he scored twice. How many players, we wondered, would even have turned up for international duty after suffering a harrowing personal loss?

"Djibril was devastated when we told him the news," said Anne Craven last week, after informing the Liverpool player his £600 African Grey parrot had been stolen from her shop. Cisse, according to a world exclusive in the Liverpool Post, had gone to the shop to buy a tropical fish tank but when the parrot said "hello" he was smitten. Alas, the shop was raided last week before the bird could be delivered to Cisse. Anyone with information should contact Cheshire Constabulary - better still, if you find the bird give it back to Cisse on condition he does no damage on Wednesday night. A fair exchange.

Robinho lands in Spain

If you were fortunate enough to see Robinho's debut for Real Madrid then you'll know the boy's more than a bit special.

Still, it was good to see the Spanish media keeping its head last week and not going overboard in its praise of the young fella: "And God created Robinho!" (Headline in AS) "A star is born; Robinho came down from the heavens." (Headline in El Mundo). "Robinho left everyone open-mouthed in 24 minutes. A genius has just touched down in our league." (Marca).

"Robinho is the saviour. In 24 minutes he produced a hat, a slalom that left three men in his wake, and two bicycles. He is La Liga's new angel . . . or devil, if you're an opponent." (Marca again).

That's it, keep the pressure off the lad.

High five backfires

The reddest face of last week? That belonged to Hugo Sanchez, the former Mexico and Real Madrid forward who is coach of Mexican side UNAM.

In an effort to inspire his players Sanchez arranged for them to wear shirts with the number five emblazoned on the chest for their crunch game against Cruz Azul. The "five" referred to the number of times he finished as leading scorer in the Spanish championship. The result of the game? UNAM 0, Cruz Azul . . . 5.

Quotes of the Week (2)

"In my opinion Michael is a good player. He had a good season last year despite not starting a lot of games, but with a team such as Real Madrid - who are always attacking - you will always score goals because you will have a lot of opportunities." - Rafa Benitez pays a miaow-laden tribute to Michael Owen.

"I'm not having a go at Jose Mourinho, Rafa Benitez, Sven-Goran Eriksson or Arsene Wenger by any stretch of the imagination, but this country sometimes judges an Englishman's credentials to manage a football club on what he did as a player. Yet those four have done **** all in football." - Sam Allardyce. Does his theory fall a little flat when one counts the trophies the quartet have accumulated as club managers?

"We will have Owen and Shearer up front, Emre and Parker in the middle, Luque on the left, Dyer, Bowyer or Solano on the right and Boumsong, Taylor, Bramble, Carr and Babayaro in front of Given - Christ, people would kill for that team." - Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd. ("Eh, hello?," Shola Ameobi might well ask, having been omitted from Freddy's dream team).

"It's very unlikely that a Boro player will be the league's top scorer. That is because of the way we play and the characteristics of our strikers." - Middlesbrough's Gaizka Mendieta reveals his admiration for team-mates Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink, Mark Viduka and Yakubu.

"His look, his change of rhythm and his nerve left the Carranza mute, captivated by his diabolical apparitions." - Realmadrid.com on Robinho - and this was after it was translated in to English.

Calling hooligans

As we know the baddies are usually one step ahead of the goodies so we're looking forward to hearing how Dutch hooligans find a way around the plan to keep them out of football grounds in Holland.

The Dutch ministry of Justice has announced it will be using voice verification software, developed by Israeli firm Dmatec, to ensure supporters do not break stadium bans.

The fans will be called at home, around kick-off time, and asked to say sentences that have been agreed in advance - the software will be able to identify the voice on the line. Any fans who think they can outsmart the software by diverting their home numbers to their mobile phones, well, that can be detected too.

Ajax, Feyenoord and Vitesse Arnhem hooligans will be getting calls very soon, when the trial starts, and may have to come up with a better plan than having their ma answer the call with the words, "yes, I am Ruud".