Planet Football

We have a sneaky feeling that this might not actually be entirely true, it might even be a giggly joke, but we'd love it to be - a new road of houses built near Norwich City's Carrow Road ground has been named after Delia Smith's much celebrated half-time address to the home crowd at the game against Chelsea last year.

Building on Delia's address

The name? Let's Be Avenue.

Name dropping

Big thank yous to Shane for sending us a link to a message that appeared on a BBC football forum last week. In it a chap claimed to know several of the Irish squad quite well and was particularly scathing about one player in particular. He said he had "met the Irish lads plenty of times" through his father, who he named (eh, we'll leave the name out of it, but he's a former international who does have links with the current set-up). Grand. Except, as the reply from another chap put it, "if you are his son you'd want to learn to spell your surname right. It's '******' (correct spelling), you genius." Ooops.

Quotes of the week

Reporter: "Would you take a pay cut (to leave Birmingham)?"

Clinton Morrison: "Well, I like to wear a lot of diamonds - I wouldn't like to get into the cubic zirconia."

- Is it any wonder we love this man?

"Every time I come back from Ireland they (Birmingham players) give me stick and tell me I should wear green for Birmingham 'cos I score goals all the time here. I tell them I'm just playing with better players."

- Clinton again. See what we mean?

"Nathan Ellington is the same as Rob Earnshaw and it means that we have two proven goalscorers of a different type."

- Bryan Robson. It's at times like this that you'd hardly miss Kevin Keegan and Bobby Robson at all.

"Michael Owen is Michael Owen. He has shown it so many times."

- Speaking of Kev and Bobby - here's Sven-Goran Eriksson doing a decent impression of the pair.

"I thought it was a bit high - he nearly took my willy off. You would probably expect that from Bob, but there you go. But it is all still intact."

- A relieved Ross Tokely (Inverness), reflecting on a crunching tackle by Rangers' Bob Malcolm.

Fowler targets Eriksson

In what proved to be a sticky week in Sven-Goran Eriksson's reign as England manager what he really needed was a show of support from, perhaps, a former player, one who would recall an example of Sven's inspirational leadership and masterful coaching.

Step forward Robbie Fowler, in an extract from his new autobiography: "Against Brazil (in the 2002 World Cup), he said nothing in the changing room at half-time, absolutely **** all, just stood there with a startled look on his face like he, too, believed we were *****d."

Lovely. But Robbie didn't stop there.

"Darius Vassell won far more caps under Eriksson than I could ever have dreamed of and that's because the manager was obsessed with lumping long balls for quick fellas up front. It's the modern disease and, for me, it's the preserve of a bankrupt coach."

A bit of a slight, perhaps, on Darius Vassell? By the way, the book was written before Vassell changed clubs. He has, of course, joined Manchester City, where one of his new team-mates is, eh, Robbie Fowler.

More quotes of the week

"My dream still is to win the championship, to play quality football, to win the European Cup, to go into the new stadium with a big team and to make Arsenal the biggest club in the world. It's a simple job."

- Arsene Wenger, stealing Jose Mourinho's lines. Except Jose says this kind of stuff with a straight face.

"Because I knew I wasn't going to start I did not do my starting preparations - but you should always prepare to play. I did not adhere to that and everyone saw the results."

- David James, with an unforgettable excuse for yet another unforgettable performance for England.

"Michael Owen is a great player, we'd love to have him. But we'd love to have any fit forward."

- Shay Given who, by the looks of things at Newcastle, could be tried out up front by Graeme Souness any day soon.

"Ferguson is a good coach but he never showed any confidence in me after the first few months."

- Will we tell Kleberson or will you?

"We need to look at the kit side of things. We had 37 hampers on board and medical supplies. Do we need everything that we take?"

- Scottish Football Association chief executive David Taylor after Scotland's flight to Austria was delayed for an hour and 20 minutes because they'd brought so much luggage. The way things are going with Scottish football Taylor might consider leaving the team behind for the next trip and just bringing the hampers.

Redknapp calls the tune

We're curious about this one. "Kenwyne did okay," said Southampton supremo Harry Redknapp last week, "he got a bit of a kick on his ankle and we didn't know if he was going to come back on. We played a bit of reggae music to him at half-time and off he went again."

Does Harry believe that because Kenwyne Jones is from Trinidad and Tobago a blast of No Woman, No Cry, rather than medical treatment, is all he needs to shake off an injury?

Next week: Rory Delap's groin strain is cured by a rousing rendition by 'Arry of When Irish eyes are smiling.

Jose Mourinho's week

"I don't understand why I've been told to wait for another chance to play this season. I don't believe I will be third choice. It's incomprehensible."

- Chelsea's Ricardo Carvalho, a touch displeased after being left on the bench for the game at Wigan.

"If he still does not know me after spending four seasons together then we need to take him to see a specialist. He seems to have difficulties in understanding things. They can give him an IQ test, as there must be some sort of problem with him."

- Mourinho puts Carvalho in his place.

"You can imagine Michael Essien. He arrived in the dressing-room on Thursday - the first time with the players - and he sees the manager kill Ricardo Carvalho in front of everybody. These are the problems a leader likes to have. It's good to have them."

- Mourinho puts Carvalho in his place again.

"Carvalho had to have his reaction to the world so that everybody could read it. So I thought 'why not do it in front of the family'? It was good that Essien saw it. If he doesn't want an IQ test, he will understand me from the first moment."

- Mourinho puts Carvalho in . . . Jose? You've made your point.