Hard-tackling Uruguay put Kobus Wiese after the event

TV View: According to his stats, Kobus Wiese, the former South African rugby international, is 6ft 6in. We assume this refers to the width of his neck because Kobus has the look of a man who was 6ft 6in tall on his first day of kindergarten.

So, when he interviewed Juan Campomar on Saturday there was a Claire Balding v Willie Carson look to it all. The crown of Juan's head was roughly level with Kobie's buttocks.

That, then, might have been why Juan didn't attempt to deck Kobus when he asked, in a seemingly sincere manner, "What positive aspects do you take out of this game?"

"Emmmmmm," replied Juan. And after that lengthy think he gave up; he couldn't proffer an answer.

Juan, you should know, is the captain of the Uruguayan rugby team that lost 134-3 to South Africa on Saturday. Kobus, bless him, tried to cheer Juan up, he could sense a little deflation, so he reminded him that Uruguay were only amateurs.

"Yes," said Juan, "we have our works, we have our studies, we left many things behind to come here, so we don't be dedicated to rugby."

Kobus smiled a smile that said "You're telling me," and then moved on to Tonderai Chavhanga, the South African who scored just the six tries on his debut. Kobus congratulated him on scoring seven. A bit like ourselves and Uruguay, he'd lost count.

"Still the Uruguayans defend manfully," the Sky Sports commentator had said with two minutes to go, when they had just fallen 131 points behind, leaving you wondering quite how the South Americans would have fared if they'd been sissies.

Back in the studio Andre Snyman was a touch critical of his compatriots.

"Second half I thought they got bit a loose," he said, leaving you wondering quite how the South Americans would have fared if their hosts had been tight.

On Wednesday, Bill O'Herlihy anticipated Ireland would have about as much trouble beating the Faroe Islands as South Africa had disposing of Uruguay. What he didn't anticipate was his team showing such alarming levels of weariness, to the point where teamwork was sadly non-existent. Stray passes everywhere.

For example, Eamon Dunphy: "I remember England went there (the Faroe Islands) and went a goal down in the first minute." Liam Brady: "Na, that wasn't the Faroes, it was Albania or somewhere." Dunphy: "Was it not England?" Brady: "Na, it wasn't." Dunphy: "I think it was." Brady: "I'll have a bet with you later on." Dunphy: "Anyway, the point is . . ."

Some time later. Dunphy: "It was San Marino against England!" Bill O'Herlihy: "T'was. In England too." Brady: "No, it wasn't." Dunphy: "It was in San Marino." John Giles: "No, it was in one of the Spanish grounds." Brady: "You need a geography lesson, it was an Italian ground, John - it's in Italy, San Marino." Giles: "Well, I knew it was one place or the other."

See? It's just as well Ireland's season is over; these lads have nothing left in the tank. Which is what George Hamilton assumed of the Faroes pre-match.

"Will your players tire towards the end of the game?" he asked the coach. "No. I don't hope so," said Henrik Larsen.

The only watchable football on view last week, as it proved, was England v Sweden at Ewood Park in the European Championships. But that's wimmin for ya. One incident, however, threatened to mar what was a stirring game, played in front of a crowd of - count 'em - 25,000.

"Anna Sjostrom is not happy with Kelly Smith," said BBC commentator Steve Wilson, after spotting an ugly off-the-ball incident. "As they were waiting for that delivery to come in Smith walked past her and - pulled her ponytail," he gasped.

There was a chuckle beside him in the commentary box.

"Sometimes things have to be done in games," said Marieanne Spacey. "Well done, Kelly Smith!"

Silence from Steve, who was aghast.

As was the member of Portmarnock Golf Club when asked on Friday by a Sky News Ireland reporter if it was not a bad thing that a "No wimmin need apply for full membership" sign still hung on the door, after the latest court ruling.

"I'm not a lady," he confirmed to us, "so I can't become a member of the Irish Countrywomen's Association." And with that he drove orf.

The ICA should send him an honorary membership card, just for a larf. And then tell him to bog orf into the kitchen and get started on the tea and sangwidges.

And don't forget to trim the crusts, big boy.