Ellen spared car-boot sale as Magnificent Seven is thwarted

TV VIEW:THE DAY began with John McCririck asking his old pal Ellen Martin, the Cork bookmaker, how she'd fare if Irish horses won all seven races.

“I’d be selling my skirt, my boots, my hat . . . I’d be in big trouble,” she admitted. So, by the time What A Charm made it an Irish six-in-a-row you had to worry that Ellen had been left as bare as her coffers.

RTÉ’s Colm Murray was reassuring, though, when he explained to those of us not quite expert in the field, that while it was a mighty day for Ireland it wasn’t necessarily a mighty day for Irish punters. The wrong Irish horses had won, by and large.

A pity, that, but it was still “an absolutely magical day”, as Ted Walsh put it, the most blissful part of it the fact that it took our minds off the state of the country, and all that, for an hour or four.

Well, until Channel 4’s Alastair Down opened his big mouth: “You wonder what they’re going to be like when the recession’s over!”

The glory began with Derek O’Connor and Chicago Grey who, much to his colleagues’ surprise, McCririck had chosen as his charity bet.

“Quite right that such a fine judge of jockeyship should be on Derek O’Connor,” said Down, which drew an off-camera chuckle. We could be wrong, but it sounded a bit like Ted who, last year, lest ye forget, memorably described McCririck as “a big oaf” who “wouldn’t be safe on a bicycle, let alone on a horse”, after he criticised a jockey.

Next up the Novices’ Hurdle and the start of a worrying John Francome-related trend. All day we were shown clips of Francome visiting fancied horses’ home patches, and, well:

Oscars Well: Jumped the last in front but landed badly and that was that.

Time For Rupert: A not-the-best fifth.

Big Zeb: Beaten into second by Sizing Europe.

Magnanimity: Well, fourth.

See? Channel 4 should probably do punters a favour and, before today’s races, reveal what horses Francome has visited recently.

The jinx he put on Oscars Well was particularly irksome because after hearing 87-year-old Mick Malone, head of the syndicate that owns the horse, on the radio the other morning you couldn’t but root for the fella.

Mind you, his revelation that on his last visit to see him he’d brought him “10 pounds of Superquinn sausages” you wondered if Oscars Well might be sluggish in the tail-end of the race. You know yourself, after 10 pounds of sausages for your breakfast your stamina tends to wither.

Anyway, the Michael O’Leary-owned First Lieutenant gave us our second Irish winner of the day, jockey Davy Russell mercifully proving to be an asset rather than costly excess baggage.

Next, the RSA Chase, and, naturally, the Irish, in the shape of Bostons Angel, won that too. We were a little sad for Wymott, though, after his trainer Donald McCain revealed pre-race that he’d been named after a category C prison in Preston. That can’t be right.

Next, The Big One, aka the Queen Mother Champion Chase. It was before this race that we saw Francome’s visit to see Big Zeb, and on our return to Cheltenham we were treated to a close-up of his bottom – Big Zeb’s, that is – pooing all over the parade ring.

That indicated, to us at least, that he was feeling a bit nervous, which might explain why Sizing Europe ran away from him in the end.

“He’s a hardy boyo,” said jockey Andrew Lynch as he hugged the fourth Irish winner of the day.

Back on RTÉ Colm was advising Tracy Piggott and Brian Gleeson to put their loot on 16 to 1 shot Carlito Brigante for the Coral Cup Handicap Hurdle, and by the time we rejoined them they were bopping in the studio to Money, Money, Money. Almost. Well for some. Call The Police? He’s reaching the finishing line as we speak.

Needless to say, Carlito Brigante is Irish – a Leitrim name, possibly – so that was five out of five.

“Every winner today is from the Emerald Isle,” gasped Derek Thompson, as if we needed reminding. We’re good at this horsey lark, it has to be said.

And What a Charm, it was six out of six after they went off air, although Cheltenian robbed us of all those “Seventh Heaven”, “Magnificent Seven” and “A Seven Day Wonder” headlines.

No complaining, though, a mega or a fab day? Six of one, half a dozen of the other.