All in the game

A soccer miscellany

Twitter trades: Looks like Rory's and Robbie's feud has come to an end

TWATTER!:ALAS, it seems that Twitter hostilities between Robbie Savage and Rory McIlroy have come to an end, although we remain hopeful that they'll kick off again any day soon.

The tweeting battle began when the golfer stepped in to comment on the former Welsh international's ding dong with Ian Poulter over who had the superior taste in fashion.

McIlroy: "Anyone seeing this banter between @IanJamesPoulter and @robbiesavage8???

Just have to say the latter is a TWAT!!"

Savage was deeply offended. Seriously. "Next time Rory is playing in the Ryder Cup I'll be waving my star-spangled banner," he wrote in his column, before replying directly to McIlroy on Twitter. "Your language is awful pal, my little seven-year-old asked me what it meant! Good example to young children!" (Question: what's a seven-year-old doing reading Twitter?) "Sorry guys, I shouldn't have said the "T" word, but just couldn't think of a better description," McIlroy replied to his followers, prompting Savage to have a little gloat about the "apology".

Rory? "Let's get this straight, I wasn't apologising to @robbiesavage8, I was apologising to the people I offended with the bad language. Wouldn't waste my breath for that idiot."

Hopefully this one will run and run. Not that Savage is "attention-seeking" on Twitter. "If I wanted to attention seek I could drive my Lamborghini to the Trafford Centre in my underpants," he told the Guardian last week.

Rory? You were right first time.

Bale out: Neville tributes are a little over the top

PHIL WHO?:SPEAKING of Twitter, which we were. Who was the third most-tweeted about person last week? President Obama? Lady GaGa? George Clooney? Nope: Phil Neville.

Why? Well, after Gareth Bale’s rather splendid performance against Inter Milan in the Champions League a few Everton fans began tweeting about their club captain’s success in keeping the Welsh fella quiet in their previous league game. And from there thousands of Tweeters began, somewhat bizarrely, paying homage to the player. Eg: “Death once had a near Phil Neville experience.”

“Phil Neville doesn’t mow his lawn he dares his grass to grow.”

“The Queen sings God Save Phil Neville”

“Some people say magicians could walk on water, But Phil Neville could swim through land.”

“Phil Neville doesn’t use the force . . . he is the force!”

It should be said, though, that the most common tweet on the subject was: “Who is Phil Neville????”

One-sided: Town hit 41

"WE used the wings, opened up the space and let them do the running," said a contented Graham Rogers last week after his Keynsham Town side played really rather well against Somerton and Langport in their Somerset County Women's League game.

Rogers, though, was being a touch modest about the triumph, perhaps understating his players' success in opening up the space – after all, they won 41-0.

It was only 15-0 at half-time, Somerton performing admirably in light of the fact that only eight of their players turned up for the game.

Chloe Rogers scored 11, like you do, bringing Keynsham's tally in the league so far to 84 goals. Conceded? Divil a one. It should be pointed out that this is only Keynsham's reserve team. Cripes.

Pull the other one: Drenthe's arresting tales don't fool cops

DRUNKEN DASH:WHAT'S the best excuse you could give a police officer after breaking six red lights and driving at over 100mph through a town centre at four o'clock in the morning? How about: "I was full of adrenaline and couldn't sleep after our 0-0 draw with Malaga"?

Take a bow Royston Drenthe, the Dutch player on loan at La Liga's Hercules from Real Madrid.

Mind you, that wasn't the first excuse he offered the police after being stopped. "I did not want to go fast for no reason, but it was for something urgent, an emergency," he explained. The emergency? His pal was suffering, he claimed, from alcoholic poisoning and he was taking him to hospital. But? Doctors later told the police the fella didn't have alcoholic poisoning, he was just trolleyed.

"I do not want to talk much about it," said Drenthe, "I have to concentrate on football."

Good idea.

Worth repeating: Maradona points the finger at real culprit for World Cup exit

WORD OF MOUTH"I am happy you're gone, psychic octopus, it's your fault we lost the World Cup."

– Diego Maradona dances on the grave of Paul the Octopus.

"As a player I think I'm close to being as complete as I can be. Now I can say I'm one of the top players in the world."

– Nani. Honest.

"He said sorry every time he kicked me. He's a nice guy."

– Spurs' Gareth Bale on Inter Milan's mannerly Maicon.

"If I drive a Volvo against a Ferrari on a straight, I lose. The Volvo is a good car because it's our sponsor, but the Ferrari races faster."

– Rafa Benitez possibly explaining why Gareth Bale is difficult to mark.

"He wants to stay, I want him to stay, so basically plus, plus, plus should be plus."

– Arsene Wenger on keeping Wojciech Szczesny at the club.

"I really thought he had matured, but no. He called me 'elderly'. He hurt me."

– Sampdoria president Riccardo Garrone (74) explaining his bust-up with Antonio Cassano (28).

"The players are babies now. In my day, you had to hit someone with a hatchet before a referee booked you."

– Alex Ferguson.

"He's a lovely gentleman."

– Blackpool manager Ian Holloway on Séamus Coleman who did not celebrate his goal for Everton against the team he was on loan with last season.

"It's rubbish. I don't have bust-ups with players."

– Roy Keane denies a fallout with Ipswich's Connor Wickham.

One step beyond: McCarthy walks as much as he talks

MICK GOES THE EXTRA MILE: THEY used to make up half the Republic of Ireland back four, but now Mick McCarthy and Chris Hughton are opponents, the leading contenders for a rather special managerial title in the Premier League this season.

Researchers were hired by the makers of computer game Football Manager 2011 to analyse the number of steps taken by PL managers when they're patrolling their technical areas and McCarthy is currently leading the table, averaging 4.3 miles a game, 36.1 a season, which is more than twice the 15 miles averaged by other managers.

Hughton is second, covering 31.8 miles a season, followed by Stoke City's Tony Pulis, Sunderland's Steve Bruce and Blackpool's Ian Holloway. Why was this research carried out? Like we know?