A poor substitute

Catalan regional police charged a man last week after he confessed that he had planned to kidnap a Barcelona player and demand a ransom for his safe return. A hand gun was found by police in the 32-year-old's van, which, ominously, had blackened-out windows.

The would-be-kidnapper confessed all but admitted that "he had no clear idea of which player he was going to target as he knew little about football". Well, grand if he'd happened upon Rivaldo in the Nou Camp car park, but what if he'd picked on, say, a ball boy, decked out in his shiny new FC Barcelona track suit? Ransom? Two cans of San Miguel, max.