TV View: Spare a thought for England, left licking their wounds in Sydney and Dublin

A weekend when one World Cup began coming in to view while another, of a different footballing code, faded over the horizon. England left licking their wounds in both Dublin and Sydney, Ireland limbering up nicely, Spain located atop cloud nine.

All you could wonder was: what if Spain were at full strength? Instead they’d left behind a host of stars for this World Cup, a little like if, say, Johnny Sexton, Hugo Keenan, James Ryan, Peter O’Mahony and Josh van der Flier opted to skip France 2023 because they didn’t like the cut of Andy Farrell’s jib.

And the leaving behind of those Spanish players, who reckoned their principles were more valuable than a shot at World Cup glory, presented us with a dilemma. Who to root for? Because if we’re going to have gender parity we have to dread a female English triumph – in a “we’ll never hear the end of it” kind of way – as much as one by their lads.

The RTÉ panel of Karen Duggan, Richie Sadlier and Emma Byrne addressed the issue of whether or not Spain deserved to be rooted for, the BBC not so much – it spent much of its build-up talking about 1966 and singing Sweet Caroline.

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No complaints about that, mind, if it was us against the Spanish in a World Cup final you can be sure our erstwhile allyship at the Battle of Kinsale would get a mention, with maybe Richie using a tactics board to show where it all went wrong back in 1601-02, England’s zonal marking scuppering the Spanish fleet.

In the end the chief reason for praying England wouldn’t score was the state of Robyn Cowen’s voice, the BBC commentator so hoarse, even at anthems time, you feared for her vocal cords if, say, Lauren James came on and scored a winner in the 36th minute of added time.

As if Robyn didn’t have enough problems, an exceedingly loud Spanish commentator could be heard from presumably a booth right beside her. “Our Spanish colleagues are very, very up for this,” she croaked. Happily, the Beeb managed to soundproof the walls before Olga Carmona scored the game’s only goal in the 29th minute, otherwise Robyn would have been deafened by cries of “GOOOOOOOOOL! GOL, GOL, GOL, GOL, GOOOOOOOOOL!”.

Spain were exquisite, in Brian Kerr-speak their side full of knicky-knacky players who make the art of drifting past opponents and finding actual team-mates with passes look effortless. Which it is. For them.

You’d like to think they won’t be hanging effigies of England full-back Lucy Bronze in the streets of, say, east London, although that too would be another step towards gender parity. But she was the culprit for Spain’s goal, losing the ball in midfield and opting not to give chase when they broke.

Alex Scott’s polite skewering of Bronze at half time was tremendous, proof that punditing on women’s football has come a long way from the days of “ah sure, mistakes happen”.

“Everyone knows how much I love Lucy Bronze, but……,” she started, and the skewering then commenced.

Jonas Eidevall could well be skewered too when he gets back to Arsenal managing duty. He chose Linda Caicedo’s gem against Germany as his goal of the tournament rather than Katie McCabe’s Olimpico. That’ll be the second coach she’ll fall out with this summer.

The high point for England, as it proved, was Mary Earps’ penalty save from Jenni Hermoso – “Mary Queen of Stops strikes again,” as Robyn put it – the low point the Spanish in the crowd stealing our song. “Olé, olé olé.” The nerve.

Game over, English hearts in smithereens, Spain the world champions, the weirdness of it all demonstrated by a few of their players hugging coach Jorge Vilda, the rest very pointedly ignoring him. It’s a story like no other.

Trophy presentation time. Fifa president Gianni Infantino front and central having finally found time to attend the tournament. “He managed to find his way on to the stage through a lot of open doors,” said Robyn, in reference to his WTF? comments about the women’s game earlier in the week. And for that she deserved the player of the match award.

Sympathy for England? “My heart bleeds, let me get my small little violin out for them,” said Jamie Heaslip. To clarify, he was talking about their rugby lads, not their football women. “Their best player right now is their QC.”

“True,” you could almost hear Owen Farrell purr from the upper deck of the Aviva.