A dozen or so less obvious questions for McGuinness

NEWTON'S OPTIC:THERE ARE many obvious questions Martin McGuinness needs to answer during his presidential campaign. Then there are these slightly less obvious questions, which he really ought to answer as well:

1. The slogan of your campaign is: “If I can work with Ian Paisley and Peter Robinson, I can work with anyone.” However, if you had kept your word to David Trimble, you would never have had to work with the DUP in the first place. So shouldn’t your slogan be: “I’ll stab anyone I work with in the back until I inevitably end up dealing with people as stubborn as I am?”

2. You were a known associate of Marion Coyle, jailed for the 1975 kidnapping of Dutch businessman Tiede Herrema. Would you describe this as “taking the average industrialist”?

3. The president is forbidden from leaving the State without the Government’s permission. Are you prepared to ask Enda Kenny every time you want to go home to Derry? What will you do if he says no? Will you just disappear over the Border?

4. The president may refer a bill to the Supreme Court. Do you recognise the Supreme Court? It’s in that big Georgian building by the quays in Dublin, with the dome. Some of the judges in there may even recognise you.

5. At Stormont you have insisted on a Sinn Féin driver for your official car. Would you insist on the same as president? What about the Government jet? Would you require a Sinn Féin pilot? You also insist on Sinn Féin staff for your personal security. What would this mean for the president’s Garda protection unit? Would it have to disband, or could it just join Sinn Féin?

6. Do you consider your opponents to be guilty of sniping?

7. Between 1974 when you left the IRA and 1982 when you were first elected to Stormont, you appear to have been completely unemployed. What efforts did you make to look for work during this period? Were you involved in any form of training, for example?

8. Your only academic qualification is an O-level in butchery. What first attracted you to a career in butchery? Why did you never pursue it? Did you like the idea of being a butcher but find the work itself unpleasant?

Would you describe yourself as the sort of person who just prefers to order things from a butcher, without worrying too much about the gory details?

9. During interviews you often mention you were fond of your mother. Do you realise almost everyone is fond of their mother and in not realising this suggests a serious problem relating to the humanity of others?

10. You say many unionists are wishing you well. Are you sure they are not wishing you “well away”?

11. As far as we know, Sinn Féin still considers itself to be the sole legitimate government of the true nation of Ireland under president Gerry Adams. If successful, where would you fit into that exactly?

12. You want people in Northern Ireland to have a vote in presidential elections. However, it might be difficult to hold simultaneous ballots in two separate jurisdictions. As a compromise, would you accept some sort of proxy arrangement?