The fat lady sang twice - but there was no way she'd be rushed

South Down: Arriving at the Dromore Leisure Centre in Co Down at lunchtime yesterday, SDLP hopeful Eddie McGrady was surprisingly cautious for someone who had been tipped to retain his South Down seat.

It was as though he had insider knowledge of the long wait that was in store.

"I'm not making a comment until the fat lady sings," he told reporters anxious for news from the South Down and Lagan Valley constituencies.

"Or until it looks as though she is about to sing."

By 4pm, the fat lady, no offence to the cardigan-clad volunteers counting votes in the gym, was still in her dressing room, but that didn't stop DUP man Jeffrey Donaldson declaring that he had won his Lagan Valley seat.

By 6pm, there were rumours the fat lady had jogged seven miles to Banbridge for a gawk at David Trimble, who was admitting defeat at the hands of gospel singer Mr Simpson.

It was hard not to blame the great Northern Irish tea-break culture for the interminable wait. The counting staff were seen to down tools every couple of hours to trot upstairs for a nice cup of tea and a bun.

The buffet refreshments also included sausage rolls, Waldorf Salad, home-made soup and thick slices of baked ham.

Maybe this spread explained why seven hours after the ballot boxes were opened not a single vote had been counted.

They had been "verified" and "sorted" but not, we were told, counted.

As another member of the counting staff sat down for a generously-buttered roll and a polystyrene cup of tea, it felt as though we might never escape.

When the fat lady eventually decided to give us a tune, a whopping 10 hours after the boxes had been opened, our patience wasn't to be rewarded with any political surprises.

Donaldson had been right in his post-lunch assessment that he would take the Lagan Valley seat for the triumphant DUP.

A piper played as his supporters roared, some using the occasion to snack on roast beef and gravy baps in the declaration/buffet room.

The rotund woman sang again over an hour later for McGrady who was, as expected, comfortably returned for South Down.

Among all the male candidates in pin-striped suits, rugby player and would-be politician Tyrone Howe stood out from the crowd.

Offering a glimpse of an alternative political Ulster, he was ruggedly handsome in jeans, loafers and a fleece.

The Dromore man, who plays for Ulster and Ireland, was in search of a UUP seat on the local council.

He said , despite the results being divided down extremist lines, there was still room in Northern politics for young people who wanted to make a difference to people's lives across the community.

"Politics is still a new game to me, but when you have gone on a pitch in front of thousands of people, with millions more watching at home, nothing can faze you."

"When does your result come through?" we asked.

"Monday," he replied.

And, when you think about it, we should have known.