Noonan-speak sends interest rates crashing

Minister for Finance succinctly breaks down bank reorganisation plan while stand-ins Mary Lou and Eamon Gilmore break the mould during Leaders’ Questions

IT’S ALL very simple really. Isn’t that right, Michael? The Minister for Finance was in the Dáil and helpfully explaining the bank reorganisation plan in easy language for the plain man and woman.

Here’s what he had to say: “To put it very simply, if we deleverage beyond the equilibrium point, we provide headroom for the new lending to occur over the next three years.” To put it very simply, that’s pure gobbledygook.

There should be a clause in the Croke Park agreement forbidding civil servants from drafting such abominations.

It was a listless day in Leinster House. Events in Northern Ireland cast a gloomy reflection on Dáil proceedings.

The Taoiseach had travelled to Tyrone for the funeral of murdered PSNI officer Ronan Kerr, where he was joined by Opposition leaders Micheál Martin and Gerry Adams.

With Eamon Gilmore doing the honours in Enda’s absence and Brian Lenihan and Mary Lou McDonald filling in for their respective bosses, Leaders’ Questions were done and dusted in no time.

Mary Lou did something very daring. She asked a straight question.

And the Tánaiste got caught up in the moment and gave her a straight answer.

The tone had been set by Brian Lenihan, who, while managing to fit a large number of queries into a short length of time, resisted the urge to ramble.

“It has been normal, during Leaders’ Questions, for a leader to ask one question. Deputy Lenihan managed to ask four, but we’ll answer all of them,” replied Eamon sweetly, only a wet weekend in the job but slipping easily into the royal “we”.

Oh, how soon they forget.

“That’s not what you did in Opposition,” shouted Fianna Fáil’s Michael McGrath. (And Michael, you won’t be doing it either.) Mary Lou was feeling suspicious. She thinks the Government is stalling on pre-election commitments to reverse the cut in the minimum wage. “The commitment will be honoured,” said Eamon.

She didn’t quite believe him.

“It will be done.”

Meanwhile, a matter has been preying on Joe Higgins’s mind since the arrival of Gerry Adams on the scene. Gerry likes to preface his comments in the Dáil with a short preamble in Irish. Sometimes, it might be something as small as a cheery “Maith thú!” to the Ceann Comhairle when he calls upon him to speak.

However, when Gerry does his cúpla focal, he then repeats what he said in English. This has been a source of irritation to many TDs, who point out that they don’t need a translation from the new Sinn Féin deputy for Louth.

Freshly returned from the Continent, where he was used to wearing headphones for simultaneous translation during sittings of the European Parliament, Joe wished to draw his colleagues’ attention to the fact that such a service exists in the Dáil.

“I notice that many benches do not have headphones. I don’t think many members are aware of the translation facility . . . I would like to speak more Irish in this Dáil, as I am sure others would, but it is off-putting if not everyone can understand what is being said.”

And he doesn’t want to be repeating himself, like Gerry.

However, what Higgins has failed to recognise is that while many deputies may not speak Irish, they don’t want people to know it. They will not put on the headphones in case they are seen on television wearing them, thus alerting constituents to the fact that they aren’t fluent.

But never mind the Irish. We could have done with a translation for Michael Noonan.