Gormley leaves others to talk horse manure

DÁIL SKETCH:A LOT DUNG, more to poo. That phrase has a familiar ring to it. Wasn't it a Fianna Fáil election slogan, not so long ago?

It was Fine Gael’s Tom Sheahan who brought it to mind. The deputy for Kerry South spoke about a very serious matter in the Dáil on Tuesday night. However, because of the late hour, the issue almost slipped by unnoticed.

Tom began with one of the most arresting opening lines heard in a Dáil debate for a long time. “I, more than anyone, want dung removed from roads in Killarney National Park, for the benefit of parents, children and other visitors . . . However, the Minister and his representatives in the National Parks and Wildlife Service are taking a heavy-handed approach to the issue.” (Can they not just use shovels?)

As is the fashion, it seems the authorities engaged a consultant to ponder the manure mountain after a dung ding-dong blew up between the NPWS and jarveys who ply their trade in the park.

This leading light in the field of equine toilet etiquette was imported from England and he recommended that a special type of horse nappy be used to. The authorities are insisting that the jarveys use them. But the jarveys insist it is not safe to do so.

Tom got technical.

“Equine sanitary devices, otherwise known as dung catchers, have been used in other countries on four-wheel carriages, but will not work on a two-wheel trap or side car . . . The devices, which are attached to the trap and tied to the breeches of the horse, will not work in the undulating topography of Killarney National Park.” (Breeches on horses. Whatever next?)

Sheahan has a very simple solution. The parks service has two mechanical sweepers at its disposal. Why can’t they be used on a regular basis, rather than intermittently? “I will accept the expertise of those who have been driving horses for as many as 46 years before accepting the opinions of the Minister’s staff who have probably never been on a horse.” That’s unfair. John Gormley, when he isn’t on his bicycle, swears by Shank’s Mare.

On a more serious note, the livelihood of the jarveys is now in jeopardy. They are refusing to use the dung catchers because they say it hits off the hind legs of their horses, often spooking them. “I have seen horses bolt,” said Tom, darkly. If the operators do not attach the devices by June 8th, they will be locked out of the park.

It’s not a question of money because the department is willing to distribute the horse nappies free of charge. Tom told us later that they cost in the region of €8,000 each. Would this classify the manure as Government waste? And if the jarveys reject the dung catchers, wouldn’t that count as Government waste too?

Minister of State at the Department of Health Áine Brady replied on behalf of the Minister for the Environment. In the political arena, Ministers of State operate at the bucket-and-shovel end of the ministerial cavalry.

“I thank the deputy for the opportunity to discuss this important issue,” she read from a script, going on to talk about the undesirability of dung and the merits of Gormley’s favourite horse nappy.

“The Minister is confident that the dung-catcher device is the way forward,” declared Áine, with faux conviction. She must have been wondering if getting the half car was such a step-up after all.

And as we’re on the subject of much dung, more to poo, maybe John Gormley should hire that consultant to help him manage the manure that’s hitting the fan in the Green Party at the moment. And then, in the spirit of coalition, he could pass on the advice to his Government partners.