Fear not flood victims - the Dáil is to take statements!

DÁIL SKETCH:There was a flood of joy in sodden homes as the good news from Dublin bobbed up

“BRIDIE, BRIDIE! Our worries are over!” It’s a hopeless scene – the house, and everything in it, is destroyed. It’s wet, dark and cold. Plaster is coming off the walls. The furniture is ruined. The kitchen has become the shallow end and granny is floating across the livingroom on a lilo.

Then word comes from Leinster House: the Dáil has decided to take statements on the flooding crisis. Following a major push from Fine Gael and Labour, there will also be a 30-minute question and answer session in the chamber with John Gormley.

Bridie heaves a big sigh of relief as she fishes a small trout from the gusset of her waders.

In flooded homes and overcrowded dinghies yesterday, joy was unconfined. The waterlogged and weary wept into their snorkels when the good news from Dublin bobbed up with the sewage and the carpet.

For at last, there was hope on the horizon. The Dáil was going to discuss the floods.

The exchanges were heated, and in a day when the normal Dáil staff were outside the gates on a 24-hour strike, anything could have happened. Thankfully, members didn’t take advantage of the lack of ushers. If anything, they were less rowdy. Perhaps they were aware that the Army was on duty in place of the ushers.

The Army personnel on gate duty in Leinster House yesterday looked very smart in their uniforms with their distinctive red caps. For the occasion, they mustered in “service dress number two”. This, apparently, is one step up for ordinary greens and beret, but one step below the row of 40 medals on the chest.

Because of the strike the Seanad was deemed surplus to requirements. The Dáil bars and restaurants were shut and the public gallery remained closed.

And while the strikes were discussed, there was no doubt that the flooding emergency around the country was the big issue of the day. The wide geographical spread of disaster meant that a large number of deputies wanted to have their say for the local papers. Brian Cowen conducted Leaders’ Questions with dry socks and a serenity not usually associated with his Dáil performances in times of crisis This was because he had donned the Wellingtons of Leadership the day before and moved among the afflicted with words of comfort.

The Dáil was due to discuss the situation at 7pm. However, this wasn’t enough for Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore, who wanted a longer debate. Whether it was held at seven or five in the evening made not one whit of difference, but it gave them an opportunity to come over all Old Testament, blaming the Government for trying to drown the people while evoking vivid images of a sodden citizenry terrified about “where the next flood might come from”. Enda and Eamon were in full spate, aided by the frothing tributaries of their party colleagues. They demanded an immediate discussion.

“This is an extraordinary day,” said Eamon, not least for those deputies representing constituencies “that are under water”, Fine Gael’s Men from Atlantis nodded their agreement.

They sat in a long line in the second and third rows – primarily deputies from Cork, Clare, Galway and Westmeath. It was interesting to note that all the party’s TDs in the first-row seats were from Dublin, a place largely unaffected by the flooding. The exception was Big Phil Hogan from Carlow-Kilkenny, but as Phil is the tallest man in the House, he doesn’t mind the floods so much.

Under Standing Orders, the Ceann Comhairle said he couldn’t give them the sort of debate they wanted. Uproar. “The river Shannon is now a foot higher than it was in 1954,” bellowed Enda. A debate would be very relevant “to so many people whose floors are coming up in front of their eyes”.

The Taoiseach did his best to calm matters. “Minister Mansergh has been out and about,” he soothed. Various projects are “coming on stream”. Consternation.

“What about Bandon and Skibbereen?” roared PJ Sheehan.

Biffo muttered something about the Shannon. “Sure Dev promised to drain it 40 years ago,” snorted James Bannon of Athlone.

“We might as well be on strike,” bellowed Padraic McCormack of Galway West. “The country’s up to its ears and you won’t allow us debate it,” chimed in Paul Connaughton, of Galway East. “The Dáil should be dealing with this emergency!” wailed Ciarán Lynch of Cork.

The House argued over the format and timing of the debate. They decided to have a quick adjournment to decide what to do. They had a debate. It’s over now. The country is still under water (But the local newspaper coverage will be great.)