Corporate headhunters set to pick off brightest and best

DAIL SKETCH:WHAT A day it was around Leinster House. We marvelled at a cabinet full of monkeys and witnessed a fabulous parade of neck. Endured a power cut. Thrilled at suggestions of an insatiable Deputy on the Opposition benches.

The Taoiseach went into a decline and hardly spoke a word.

Dermot Ahern decided he could go to better places than the Garda conference to be insulted and remained in the Dáil.

Mary Hanafin happily communed with the stuffed and glassy-eyed, obviously under the impression that the weekly Cabinet meeting had been moved forward a day.

Enda Kenny tackled Biffo on the economic situation in Greece and its consequences for Ireland.

He shouldn’t have wasted valuable time by tackling the Taoiseach on that old question. How much does a Grecian urn? Ooh, far more than your average impecunious member of the Oireachtas these days.

TDs and Senators are feeling very sorry for themselves. Nobody loves them. Nobody understands them. The media has turned the nation against politicians – the nation, it seems, being incapable of independent thought.

The atmosphere around Leinster House is strained. As a result of the “pinchin” uproar, many Deputies and Senators are seething.

We’ll live to regret it. Those distinguished parliamentarians disgracefully deprived of their ministerial pensions until they actually leave the day job will now be picked off, one by one, by the corporate headhunters.

What’s that noise? Only the popping of champagne corks in the plush offices of recruitment specialists as they ready themselves for the assault on Leinster House, cheque books and keys to the executive loo at the ready.

Their only regret must be that Deputy Noel Treacy of Galway East has not yet declared whether he will surrender his pinchin for the greater good.

A flight of the brightest and best – the list of the pinchin martyrs is stellar – is now inevitable. At least that was the view among some parliamentarians, particularly in the Seanad, where they have a great welcome for themselves.

Giving up their quaint pension scheme may come as a wrench to many former office-holders, but the pain should quickly subside for the likes of Bernard Durkan and Ivor Callely, Terry Leyden and Bernard Allen as they sit back and wait for the job offers to come rolling in from the multinationals.

Biggest martyr of all though was Deputy Jim McDaid who (speaking from Donegal although it was a Dáil sitting day) selflessly declared “I will forgo giving up my pension.”

This, he explained, was to encourage a balanced debate on the media-led pension atrocity and the future of democratic politics in Ireland.

In his view, the media now runs the country. Somebody has to do it.

Which brings us back to Biffo, who surprised and delighted during Leade’’s Questions by mumbling terse answers to questions. One reply consisted of two sentences and another rambled on for 30 seconds.

He couldn’t take any more needling from Labour’s Joan Burton. “I’m quite satisfied, Deputy Burton, there is no reply that I could ever give to you that would ever satisfy you on anything.” Joan beamed.

The Taoiseach looks and sounds like he would rather be anywhere else than in the Dáil chamber.

Mary Hanafin went next door to perform the official reopening of the Natural History Museum. “Wait until she sees the cabinet” chortled a loitering suit, as she veered towards a glass case full of stuffed monkeys.

She was fascinated by the towering giraffe and yawning hippo. Heavens knows why. As a Fianna Fáil Minister, she should be well used to brazen displays of neck.

Back in Leinster House, the lights went out at 3pm. “The revenge of the pensioners,” shouted a delighted Senator.