Never again will we have to listen to politicians blaming Lehman

AND AFTER all that, our shiny high-end international designer recession (hand-stitched by shysters in Manhattan) turns out to be a cheap knock-off run up around the corner in a Merrion Street sweat shop.

The Government sold it well, though. They took a dodgy home- made crisis, cleverly repackaged it in the sought after external factors livery and tied it all up in a neat Lehman Brothers bow.

Nearly every government in the western world is relying on the international factors excuse – it’s become the must-have brand for any fashion-conscious ailing economy.

We weren’t going to be left out. International best practice, punching above our weight in Europe, and all that. Bertie Ahern carried this coveted brand proudly on his arm. When people marvelled at the depth and breath of the Irish collapse, he would point confidently at our catastrophe and proudly confirm: “It’s Lehman.” His minister for finance Brian Cowen was achingly on trend too. When it was insinuated he may have been largely responsible for our bags of an economy, he stroked the mangy tiger-print fabric and replied: “No. Straight up, it’s a genuine Lehman. An international classic.” How would any of us know any different? It takes an expert eye to examine the cut and stitching of a busted boom.

Until yesterday Bertie, his successor Brian and the government, were still stepping out with their bags of an economy, like property developers’ wives displaying their Gucci and Prada in Punchestown.

You would never have taken Biffo for a domestic goddess. But according to the experts, he helped in no small part to fashion our fiscal debacle. They said so in their banking reports.

Such dextrous fingers in Merrion Street. Psst! Wanna buy a genuine replica internationally engineered recession? Take a look at this baby – genuine knock-off Lehman of Manhattan. Nobody will be able to tell the difference.

How much? Just the property market, the banks and a big heap of debt to you, missus . . .

If we can thank Patrick, Klaus and Max for anything, this country owes a big debt of gratitude to them for banishing those ubiquitous Wall Street banking brothers to the annals of infamy. Never again (with luck) will we have to listen to Government politicians blaming the Lehman collapse as the root cause of our current misfortune.

While the banking crisis here “bears the clear imprint of global influences” it was, in crucial ways, “homemade” say Klaus Regling and Max Watson.

Patrick Honohan identified a number of factors which may have contributed to the regulatory authorities falling down on their job, but he said they were not fundamental. “Neither was the failure of Lehman Brothers decisive.” Live with it, boys.

The Taoiseach, who was the man in charge of the purse strings during the period under scrutiny, did his best to take their findings on the chin yesterday afternoon. In fact, he managed to discern the satin lining in their appraisal of his handiwork. Holding the counterfeit international excuse up to the light, he marvelled at what he managed to achieve under adverse conditions in the Merrion Street sweat shop and pointed to the large amount of vindication to be found in his output.

In particular, he stressed over that what he helped to manufacture was of a far higher quality than the rubbish the Opposition was trying to push on people.

If we think he made a bags of things, then you couldn’t imagine what his critics were trying to make him do. If we think he should have put the brakes on when the dogs in the street knew the economy was careering out of control, sure the others were suggesting worse “expansionary policies”. He told a press conference that if he knew then what he knows now, he would have put a more “restrictive fiscal policy” in place.

No. Look. He shouldn’t perhaps have been holed up in Government Buildings trying to knock out an imitation internationally driven local recession. He deeply regretted doing this. But see it from his point of view. He was experiencing “domestic vulnerabilities”. And in fairness “all those domestic vulnerabilities crystalised at the same time”. The Taoiseach took full responsibility for his actions as minister for finance during a time when the economy was overheating like a runaway train and he failed to apply the brakes in time.

But the Opposition would have been worse, and they kept telling him to increase the speed. What was he to do? He was only minister for finance, in fairness.

Brian Lenihan sailed through the press conference. He wasn’t around during the sweat shop days in Merrion Street. Brian did his best to help out the boss, who was under a significant amount of pressure.

Back outside Leinster House, the Labour and Fine Gael spokesmen were claiming the reports were a damning indictment of Cowen’s stewardship of the economy.

And now that nobody can afford, or would want, a vulgar top-of-the-range international model of anything, isn’t homemade the best?