Joking apart, laughter is the best medicine

MEDICAL MATTERS:WHY DOES laughing feel so good? According to research published in Proceedings of the Royal Society of Biological Sciences, the answer lies not in the intellectual pleasure of cerebral humour, but in the physical act of laughing.

Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist at Oxford University, says the simple muscular exertions involved in producing the familiar “Ha, ha” trigger an increase in endorphins, the feel-good brain chemicals.

Dunbar thinks laughter may have been favoured by evolution because it helped bring human groups together, which I hope many readers managed to do over the holiday weekend. But this morning there may be a need for a humorous “hair of the dog”. So today’s column offers you some medical humour with which to ease back into your particular salt mine.

Courtesy of The Washington Post come the following alternative medical definitions of some common words:

Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly: impotent.

Negligent: describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph: to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle: olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle: a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist.

Meanwhile doctors’ letters can be the source of some unintended humour. The following appeared in a letter from a gynaecologist to a GP:

“Thank you for referring this patient. Her leaking occurs with coughing, sneezing and exercise, such as running. She would like to do more exercise, but the incontinence inhibits her. She does, however, carry on swimming . . .”

And the dermatologist who sent this summary could perhaps have concentrated a bit more:

“We investigated this patient for latex sensitivity. She gets pinking of her lips when she blows up balloons. She has also had problems with intercourse that may have been related to condom exposure. I could see no point in re-prick testing her.”

Meanwhile, a doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant.

Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, and have the baby over there.

“But, how will you know when our baby is born?” she asked.

“After you’ve had the baby, just send me a postcard and write ‘Sauerkraut’ on the back,” he said.

She took the money and went off to Germany. Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at his office.

“Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today,” she explained. “I don’t understand what it means!”

Later that evening, the doctor came home and picked up his postcard which read:

“Sauerkraut, sauerkraut, sauerkraut; two with wieners, one without.”

And those of you suffering under the inexorable pressure of sharply rising health insurance premiums will appreciate the following tale:

The chief executive of a health insurance company dies and goes to heaven.

St Peter shows him to a lovely villa with wonderful music, great views, a full staff of servants and gourmet meals. The chief executive says, “This is terrific!”

“Don’t get too comfortable,” says St Peter. “You’re only approved for a three-day stay.”

Finally, have you heard about the wine which cures incontinence?

It’s made from a new grape variety – Pinot More.

Have a good week.