Give me a crash course in . . . EU summits

Why should I care about yet another EU summit?For better or worse, this unwieldy meeting of EU leaders is the only way to make decisions in a sprawling EU of 27 member states.

How do summits work?Bring dozens of politicians, hundreds of diplomats and thousands of journalists together. Deprive them of fresh air, fill them with caffeine and lock the doors.

What were they talking about this week?After 12 summits, ending in sticking-plaster solutions, this meeting of 17 euro-zone leaders in Brussels was about agreeing a second Greek bailout. Also on the agenda were easing loan conditions for all bailout recipients and ending the instability of the euro.

And do summits work?Surprisingly, yes, because of one simple fact: everyone wants to go home. The fun and games usually start when heads of state and government leaders meet for a working meal (lunch or dinner, depending on the start time). Before them are proposals agreed by ministers. Soundless images of small talk and backslapping are beamed to excluded journalists, who desperately try to read runes and, if possible, lips.

When do the leaders get down to the real work?When the cameras leave. First comes the tour de table, whereby each of the EU's 27 leaders gets the chance to speak for two minutes. Only then does the discussion begin, chaired by the European Council president, Herman Van Rompuy. If national positions remain far apart, talks can go on until after midnight before breaking up, with or without an agreement.

When do things get interesting?The next morning. Breakfast segues into nervous Chinese whispers, then the spin cycle begins in earnest, with final talks still ongoing. Before the dry concluding documents are released, negotiators emerge to give the gossip. In March, for instance, we learned that Enda Kenny and Nicolas Sarkozy (left) had exchanged "strong words" on Ireland's corporate tax rate. "I'm not sure whether you would call it a Gallic spat or not," Kenny said. Rows can sour relations but can often clear the air too.

Is this truly the best way to do things?Environmentalists would say no: each summit generates a huge carbon footprint. But political leaders insist that, even in the era of the internet and video conferences, face-to-face meetings remain the way to get business done.

How did things finish up?The leaders emerged at 10pm to hold their national briefings, all at once, then threw a pile of figures at jaded journalists and vanished in a cloud of exhaust fumes. As hacks struggled, and failed, to make the Greek aid numbers add up, there was only one clear winner: Ireland. A rate cut and longer debt arrangements added up to an estimated €800 million saved in nine hours of talks – not a bad day's work.

Then the summit wheels ground to a halt again, the journalists cleared out and, in the vast Brussels press hall, a lone phone rang out.