Case study: female victim

Mary was is an abusive relationship for six years, during which time she was raped by her partner and had her jaw broken during another assault.

Despite this, she insists she is not a victim. She believes many abused women can recover and move on, as she has done.

"At first he would call my job constantly and hang up the phone. This was happening all day, every day. I finally had to leave because I was so embarrassed. When I was out with friends, he'd be constantly checking up on me. It got to the stage where it was just easier not to go out. I lost my friends after a while and it was the same with my family. So I was completely dependent on him, financially and in all other ways. Then the physical abuse started. We were driving along one day and he asked me for something. I can't remember what it was but I didn't have it and he elbowed me in the side of the face and I chipped a bone in my jaw."

"After a few weeks he insisted we go for a drink to the local pub. I put eye patches on my face and when I walked in, the barman asked what had happened to my face. I said I had a bad eye infection but my boyfriend joked: 'She hasn't, I'm after giving her a punch in the face.' He did it so well that the barman actually believed the joke."

A pattern of violence ensued over the next five years, during which time Mary's boyfriend would become extremely abusive for about a fortnight every three months. She went to a women's refuge on one occasion. When she returned home after a week, he raped her.

"He said: 'That'll teach you to go there again. You'll be pregnant now and you'll have another baby.' And he was right."

Mary says her experience of the refuge was very negative. "They offered me counselling, social workers, child-care workers. The idea that I needed counselling was just crazy. I needed the support to get out of the situation I was in. It was such a bad experience that I said to myself when I left I'd never stoop this low again."

Over a two-year period she saved €3,000, organised rent allowance on a house in another part of the country and moved there with her two children. Her former partner followed her and moved in. After six months, Mary went to court to have him evicted and has been a lone parent ever since.