Australians give DNA a fruity flavour and an alcoholic kick

IT'S as clear as water. In fact it is water, spring water. Alcoholic spring water from Australia, called DNA.

"DNA? You mean the organic chemical of complex molecular structure occurring in cell nuclei as a constituent of chromosomes, where it serves to encode genetic data"?" (Micropaedia Britannica).

Nope. DNA is an Australian made alcoholic spring water, with fruit flavours. "What?" Yup. "Alcoholic spring water?" Yup. "A blend of carbonated spring water with lime and thyme flavouring", as it says on the 33ml bottle.

And the bottle has other messages, too - moral ones such as "For adult consumption" and "Drink in moderation" and "Never drink and drive". All very praiseworthy, and soon to be seen in a pub near you.

"Did you say moderation?" Yes ... and Australian?" Uhuh. It's made there by the Grand Slam Beverage Company and it's 5 per cent proof - it could only be Australian.

"Five per cent proof? Lager is only 4.7 per cent and Guinness 4.4." Right again. "It must leave you breathless." No, that's the other clear stuff. DNA leaves you speechless. "Wide eyed and legless?" Yup, two units of alcohol per bottle, at £2.20 to £2.30 a go.

"How long is it here?" About a week. It will be launched with a major advertising campaign next week titled `The Sperm Olympics'".

"The what Olympics? Same as in Atlanta?"

"No, the other word?"

"Sperm?"

"Yes. You know ... encoded genetic data and like.

"But what has that got to do with DNA?"

Everything, my friend. The young ladies like it. Just as they like all those new Woody's fruit flavoured alcoholic soft drinks, and Grog and Mugshot and Corky's drinks.

"But fruit flavoured alcoholic soft drinks?" Of course.

"But they weren't there last year.

No, but that's progress for you.