Matthew Perry spent millions on beating addiction, and we expect people to do it through stigma and willpower?

Matthew Perry’s death felt inevitable, didn’t it? It happens sometimes when a renowned person dies, and the world is familiar with their struggles. You shake your head and say to your friends, “it seemed inevitable”. And it’s not to write off the person’s life. It’s not to minimise their impact or make ghoulish predictions about those who battle with addiction or mental health issues. It’s just a mark of how, slowly but surely, we are developing more empathy and understanding of how self-destructive the body and mind can be.

So many poignant quotes from Perry have come to light since his death last weekend at the very young age of 54 – a death we may not know the cause of for months but was immediately and inevitably mentioned in the same breath as his years’-long struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. In one of the most widely shared quotes on social media he says, “When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I’m glad of that […] But when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. I know it won’t happen, but it would be nice.”

Of course, Friends is Matthew Perry’s loudest calling card. His role as Chandler Bing in arguably the biggest TV show the world has ever seen is as iconic as it is beloved. I sat around a breakfast table with friends last Sunday morning digesting the news of Perry’s death and we listed off our favourite scenes and episodes where his star shone brightest. “The one where he’s in the box!”, “The ones in London with Monica!”, “The time he went to Yemen?”. One of our party remarked on how many other groups of people – groups of friends – were sitting around doing the exact same thing. To have such a cultural impact on a whole generation of people is truly astounding.

As the days have gone on, though, his wish to be remembered for trying to help people has been slowly coming true. When his autobiography, Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing, came out last year, the headlines were about a Keanu Reeves slight, which Perry quickly apologised for and pledged to remove from future editions. I remember reading those headlines and very quickly deciding I wasn’t going to read the book. Coupled with Perry’s curious appearance at the 2021 Friends reunion – he said that his speech issues were caused by recent dental surgery – he wasn’t presenting as a pillar of advocacy and dignity.

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[ Matthew Perry obituary: Actor who made big impact on popular culture but remained prey to personal demons ]

[ Matthew Perry could never shake off Chandler Bing or his demons ]

Hindsight, as always, knows everything and since his death Perry’s friends and acquaintances have been beseeching people to look beyond the headlines and see what the actor was really offering to the world. Page Brewster, who played Chandler’s love interest Kathy on Friends, said: “Please read his book. It was his legacy to help.” Hank Azaria, the actor who played David on Friends, said Perry brought him to his first AA meeting and described the book as “devastating, just physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically”.

His death has brought into sharp focus the misery of addiction, the same way Sinéad O’Connor’s death reminded us of the cruelty of mental illness

That it’s taken Matthew Perry’s death for his driving commitment to help people to really take hold is horribly sad because he’s obviously not around to see it. Like many of us, he had thought about how he would be spoken about after his death. He had imagined the Friends tributes and the reels of “Chandler’s best bits”. Truly though, his death has brought into sharp focus the misery of addiction, the same way Sinéad O’Connor’s death reminded us of the cruelty of mental illness.

Perry had spoken of how difficult it was for him to watch the various seasons of Friends because he could tell by how his body looked which drug he was battling with at the time. He said that during those times he “wasn’t in a position to stop”, something which feels very much at the heart of addiction struggles. Perry had millions and millions of dollars at his disposal. He went to 6,000 AA meetings and attended rehab 15 times. He estimated that he’d spent between $7 million and $9 million on trying to get sober and stay that way. He had all those resources and still battled for decades to get a handle on his addictions. And we still expect people to beat these demons through stigma and willpower?

I hope that Matthew Perry found solace at times despite the loneliness of addiction. And I hope that somehow, somewhere, he knows he is helping. He was our friend too.