‘Being a woman means having an automatic responsibility to other women. There are rules’

While the descriptor “girl’s girl” has been floating for years in the flotsam and jetsam of internet slang, it has now arrived as a fully fledged “thing”.

It’s becoming cemented in the collective vocabulary, presenting as both a term to describe women and as a possible stick to beat them with.

Just ask pop star and famous poney-tail wearer Ariana Grande. While the Thank U, Next singer doesn’t appear to have a particular background or interest in etymology, she might have indirectly contributed to the “girl’s girl” entry into the public dictionary via her new relationship.

Grande has reportedly split with her husband and is dating someone else. That someone else was also at one point, someone else’s husband and that woman, Lily Jay, is not happy about it.

‘I have not had contact with my siblings for many decades, nor did I attend my parents’ funerals’

---

Olivia Rodrigo in Dublin review: Watch out Taylor Swift. This bona fide pop superstar is coming for you

---

Misadventures in babysitting: ‘We trusted her. Here she was drinking and dancing as our son cried’

---

Netflix, Prime Video, Disney+, Apple TV+: 10 of the best new shows to watch in May

---

Jay gave an “exclusive interview” to celebrity news publisher Page Six where she described the hit singer simply as “Not a girl’s girl” according to the article. It is implied a “girls girl” would not date someone’s husband. That is not “girl code”. Because being a woman means having an automatic responsibility to other women. There are rules about the whole business.

Do we care about a pop singer and her involvement in potential future family court cases? Not particularly. What’s more interesting is the catapulting of the term “girl’s girl” into news reports from its place as a TikTok driven staple of the Gen Z lexicon. It is a young generation of women defining what is the best practice for their gender when it comes to helping not harming each other.

Loosely a “girl’s girl” is a woman (or sometimes a man) who is adhering to the invisible but hyper-enforced boundaries of female etiquette. It means always looking out for the interests of other women in your orbit instead of advancing yourself with men at their expense and your gain.

It is saying “Oh Rachel just said that idea but it’s a good one” when a male colleague tries to repeat a female colleague’s suggestion, but louder in a meeting instead of saying “great idea Dave” and smiling.

It is tucking in the price tag on a woman’s dress discreetly at a wedding, instead of trumpeting “YOU’VE STILL GOT THE PRICE TAG ON YOUR DRESS” in front of everyone.

The discussions over what it means to be a “girls girl” have more than 300,000 views on TikTok. However creator @jessi.lee has one of the most succinct definitions, claiming it is a woman “who views women as allies instead of competition.” That particular video has been liked more than 2 million times.

Of course, like most things relating to women and their place in the world, the term “girls girl” and the rough concept has been built on the efforts of other women who have come before.

In second wave feminism, we had terms like “being a bad sister” or “betraying the sisterhood.” By the time the third wave rolled around we had terms like “female chauvinist pigs” to describe women who not only went along with patriarchal nonsense but who were actively participating to benefit themselves.

“Betraying the sisterhood” or “being a bad sister” was more about an individual’s actions hurting an entire gender. Which is what makes the terms messier in real life application. Is getting Botox “betraying the sisterhood” in theory? It supports the damaging narrative that a woman’s primary value is youth and she must cling on to it or be cast out as a dithering old biddy who nobody should pay any attention to.

But is one woman’s sneaky lunchtime appointment responsible for undermining the women’s movement whose main purpose is to struggle against the limits set by patriarchal standards. She didn’t make up the older women = invisible rule, that was the men, yet she is punished for trying to survive it.

In comparison, the “girl’s girl” award would never hang in the balance over a trip to the aesthetician’s clinic.“Girl’s girls” can get Botox but they cannot for example point out that a colleague has it in front of visitors from head office at an afternoon tea.

Being a “girl’s girl” means telling someone where you bought a dress when they ask and not mumbling that it was vintage or you can’t remember. Bonus points if you tell them you got it on sale and it’s still on discount on the website.

Being a “girls girl” places the onus on the individual in the moment to weigh up their options before they act. To ask themselves in a situation, what is the cause of action that will most benefit the women here and to act on it. It is moving aside the approval of men as the primary goal.

It is not easy, especially when it is still ingrained to view each other as rivals in trying to grab whatever scraps of power or privilege we can. There is the potential for “girl’s girl” to be abused, to use it to stop women from striving ahead in case they disturb the wishes of the group. But for now, it seems it’s here to stay. So be ready to disclose where you bought that top.