‘Oh my God, this is hellish’: How to enjoy a family holiday

Family holidays are fun

Packing, driving, flying, parenting – parenting while packing, driving, flying – whoever said traveling with children was a holiday? “We think it’s going to be fabulous and it is fabulous, but it is also a little bit of heaven and hell,” says psychotherapist and author Stella O’Malley. “There are some real highs and lows with a family holiday which makes it a rich experience, but it is also reflective of life. It has ups and downs.”

It’s great to get away

Being away with small kids is exactly like being at home, except you don’t have any of your stuff and there’s nobody to help you. “We have all sorts of supports at home. Those are removed on holiday and suddenly it’s just you looking at each other which makes it very intense,” says O’Malley. Set your expectations accordingly. “Family holidays can deepen relationships and children often grow mentally quite a lot, but it can definitely lead to big emotions. Big rows can happen on holiday.”

So just stick to a routine?

There are advantages to just rolling with things instead. “If they are having a nap, I would be inclined to roll with that rather than desperately trying to keep them in routine,” says O’Malley. “You can spend the whole holiday genuinely a little bit upset about the routine you are trying to keep. They have probably been up early with flying and they are thrown. It can be three or four days with you trying to get them back into routine and that’s half the holiday. You might be better off deciding to just roll with things.”

This holiday is not what I expected

On holiday as with life, adapting is key to survival. “The thing about holidays is adapting to what you are given rather than hankering over what you think it should be,” says O’Malley. People can really wreck their own holiday. “‘I thought we’d be near the beach’ – sure, it’s annoying, but the sun is on your skin, there are things to do. If you can adapt, you can still have fun because you probably won’t fix it in the seven days you are there.” Adapt.

Supermarket wines: Two great Italian wines to try

---

Brendan O’Connor brings his contrary streak to a cosy conversation about immigration

---

John FitzGerald: An attempt to buy the next election with a giveaway budget would be a gross miscalculation

---

US student protests: Democrats are worried this is 1968 again

---

I’ll just have another drink

More booze, hot weather, disrupted sleep, it can catch up on you. “The first few nights you are having a lovely time with your sangria and suddenly by day five you are feeling blue and a little bit shot really,” says O’Malley. “You thought you were having a good time, and you actually genuinely were, but suddenly you feel like you are having the worst time ever.” It’s the ‘New Year’s Eve’ effect, says O’Malley. “On holidays, everything is heightened.” Big emotions are understandable. Try to carve out some time for yourself if you can, advises O’Malley. “It can feel like you are not getting a moment’s peace and that can be incredibly stressful.”

Should we even bother?

“I’m not convinced about holidays for young children,” says O’Malley. “You are taking away so many supports – all the little playpen things you have in your own house, maybe a garden, a gate, and then suddenly you are in a holiday apartment and you are like, ‘Oh my God, this is hellish’.” If things really aren’t working out, be honest with yourselves, she says. You can even come home. “Some holidays don’t work out.”

With teenagers, be empathetic. “Parents can be furious with teenagers because they have spent so much and the teenagers don’t want to go,” says O’Malley. Show some empathy, she advises. Consider bringing a friend. “Allow for the fact they are much more involved in being with their mates and that’s developmentally natural.”